The actual idea is good. Fantasy mixed with evolution with a clear end goal. Plot, which admittedly is slightly overused, but is done in a weirdly refreshing way. The problem starts with the way it's been written. Unfortunately it reads like somebody is telling a third-hand story to a friend rather than an actual novel. The weird perspective changes and random inner monologue descriptions interceding the middle of sentences gives a rather disjointed read. Some sentences read as if a thesaurus had third-grader syndrome, especially those written in the perspective of secondary characters/creatures. Capitalisation and the odd grammatical error can be overlooked, as I often do with non-native English speakers. However there is a point at which it becomes slightly unreadable and that is when it crossing the threshold of corrupted flow. Unfortunately flow is something that takes time to get right and a LOT of practise.So keep going and I'll keep an eye out on any further stories you write.
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Thanks for the honest review, I'll try to improve with time. đ
