Item: TWISTED FATE: THE BILLIONAIRE'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR
Rating: 4
Author: daylightmoon123445

daylightmoon123445Lv11yr

2023-07-19 03:22

I like the start because I believe the hook is essential and draws the crowd. The characters are well, I can't say a lot about them, but still, I think we will get to know more about them as the story progresses. the narration is a bit strained, with a few spelling errors, and sentence formation errors, but it doesn't really bother me very much.

TWISTED FATE: THE BILLIONAIRE'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR

GEEGEE

4.2

188 Chs

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Tama_KunLv3

Learn more, write more. I just an author for last 2 month. if you don't agree with my opinion then you can throw it out from your mind.But, never stop learning about writing

1yr

Vimbai_MurindagomoLv1

Good plot, great storyline. As always you have a unique plot which entices the reader to want more. However there are some glaring weaknesses that I noted you might want to attend to. In chapter 1 you make reference to a cabin house, which is like over kill. Use of cabin already gives the picture of a wooden or log house. You go on to describe Avita in chapter 2 as, wearing 'some glasses', the use of some in that case is inappropriate. I would suggest you go with, ...'wearing eye glasses or simply glasses. You have a great story which I believe would read even better if you change present tense to past tense, do that you are doing more of narrating. You did a great job of that in, Online Cougar System, and please proof read your work. Otherwise I love the way you are building up the story. The way you ended chapter1 is a quite a cliffhanger. The way you proceed to chapter 2 where we are now seeing Avita years later, brilliant.

1yr

Claudiah_DariusLv2

Good story from my pov, just work on a few changes, the story is nice keep it up

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Trinity_7811Lv3

A recommendation led me here and then the synopsis got me curious and heading to chapter 1, my curiosity even piqued more. Really wanna know wats going on with the FL and all the mysteries hidden within all this. Looking forward to more from this and hoping for a good end.

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Trish_TrishaLv3

Got hooked by the synopsis from the word go and something about Avita from the early chapters just doesn't seem right. Just a few chapters in but already looking forward to more of this.

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DrunkenKittyLv2

Gooooooooooooooo Avitaaaaaa. In love with the female lead and can't wait to read more and find out what is going on there. Keep up the good work.

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obiparadise_purityLv12

An interesting book from the beginning, very very descriptive and good world background. Avita character is a very interesting character and with the few chapters read, I know that there is more to her character. I'm curious to know how she will end up. Nice story author, I'm rooting for you.

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Cetrida_LungLv3

It's such a wonder how our past traumas can lead us to become some monsters we never dreamed of becoming from the start. Really enjoyed reading the book, especially Avita's duality.

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redladyLv1

I can tell that the plot is well made and is catchy from the ch 1 .I like the descriptions and the writing style however i think you should work more on your dialogues....make them more natural in a way .Not sure if you get what i am trying to say but over all is good .Brush it a little and you are good to go .Keep up ! // I like the super aware FL that is smart low key .Hope to see more of her in future ..

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NidhonggLv15

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