Review Detail of HandsomeWriter in 39 Myths

Your worldbuilding is good, your execution needs work. Dumping the backstory upfront only works if it's short and entertaining, most of the time it's best to mix it in as the plot unfolds. Your paragraphs are kind of blocky and difficult to read, varying paragraph length in your work makes it easier for your reader to work through. There are a few grammatical errors throughout- I highly recommend copy-pasting your chapter into the online Hemingway Editor [Completely Free] and following their tips before posting it on here. I can tell you've put a lot of effort into your work and that you have a lot of potential, that's why I'm being super honest. You'll grow faster that way. Keep going!