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Ash_Paradox
Ash_ParadoxLv41yr
2023-05-19 18:51

The story is good and everything but have you have got magi craft and magic mix up. So try and fix that problem while re editing and best of luck from me ! :-)

Fate/kaleid liner - Wrought Iron Hero (Shirou Emiya - Illya's World)

koijiro21
Not enough ratings
24 Chs

Liked by 4 people

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Replies1
koijiro21
koijiro21Author

Thanks for review this novel, I already fix it

1yr
1
Other Reviews
Alex3DxD
Alex3DxDLv3

The romance is fine, the personalities are according to the canon, the powers are well explained in my opinion, the stories follow the canon with several changes that make it fun and the fights are good too. the only negative thing is how fast the story takes a little more filler chapters

1yr

Drako0692
Drako0692Lv1

This story is very good, it is precisely for this reason that I do not leave the page. 90% of the stories will be garbage, but the remaining 10% are the best.

1yr
0zymandias
0zymandiasLv4

SO here’s the thing story and character and even your description are extremely good but the way you make characters talk is kind of weird I am not good at explaining so I will give an expamle Option 1 “Words words”(person) Option 2 Person said with a cold voice”words words” Second option makes it more emotional and expressive but you do the 1st one Please do note I am a little biased to option two because most books and fanfics I read use it and it’s hard to adapt to option 2 My second problem is the way you transition form one character pov to another.I can’t put my tongue on it but it feels weird My third extremely small problem is how much Ilya uses oni-Chan in her thoughts.use he or him more in her thoughts Love your story this is not suppos to be hate just criticism

1yr
Daoist37RYL2
Daoist37RYL2Lv4

ddddddddddddddðddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

4mth
Mr_mysterio
Mr_mysterioLv3

a story of destiny that has no system, gods or controlled powers that destroy the established logic friend you have a work of art please don't leave it

1yr
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