SO here’s the thing story and character and even your description are extremely good but the way you make characters talk is kind of weird I am not good at explaining so I will give an expamle Option 1 “Words words”(person) Option 2 Person said with a cold voice”words words” Second option makes it more emotional and expressive but you do the 1st one Please do note I am a little biased to option two because most books and fanfics I read use it and it’s hard to adapt to option 2 My second problem is the way you transition form one character pov to another.I can’t put my tongue on it but it feels weird My third extremely small problem is how much Ilya uses oni-Chan in her thoughts.use he or him more in her thoughts Love your story this is not suppos to be hate just criticism
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LIKEAuthor don’t let this demotivate you.this is just my biased criticism,I only review books which i see potential in
About that, every time I type a dialog between Shirou and Illya, I will think in my mind that Illya uses the Japanese word to call Shirou, which is onii-chan, instead of calling him brother, sorry, I've gotten used to that. also regarding dialogue whenever there is a character's name so that it is easy to know which character is speaking.
0zymandias:Author don’t let this demotivate you.this is just my biased criticism,I only review books which i see potential in
Some novel I read from another author from this webnovel using this method to make reader know which character is speak, some reader prefer this way that why I use a same method.
Thank for review this Novel [img=recommend]
if other reader think the dialog feel weird I will edit back
It is weird, or maybe im just biased. “It feels weird.” (Shirou)—-type of weiting is just weird. I am more comfortable with this: “It feels weird,” said Shirou, frowning at the sensation. It gives the dialogue more emotions and feelings than simply putting their name after the sentence. Well, you probably already dropped this so I guess I’ll just bear with it
koijiro21:if other reader think the dialog feel weird I will edit back
