Read up to chapter 23, I legitimately enjoyed parts of this story but its flaws really hold it back. Specifically in terms of characterization and story pacing. In my opinion there is a lack of depth in dialogue, character relationships and overall story. Mc has some character development in the beginning and with the Ancient One. Outside of his humor he's not a compelling enough character for me. He's a recluse whose only real motivation is to get stronger. Aside from reluctantly involving himself in hero work. Any relationship he has with characters is skimmed over and awkward. I.E him making Bruce Banner his butler, changing his name and demeanor, which was just a bit too absurd. His relationship with Nick Fury and Avengers feels one note. The romance is also clumsy, and forced. It felt contrived for Mc to have a past wife who was basically a doppelganger of Scarlet Witch. Just to have a reason for him stalk the real one years later. The story pacing is what ultimately sinks story quality for me. The MCU plot feels stuck on rails. The only real changes are a few dead characters are saved. Even with that the story follows the exact same beats. Since a few scenes here and there are copied word for word from the movies. The story makes it clear the MCU is just a pitstop for the Mc. So the world doesn't feel explored at all. We just skim over his time in world war 2 and speed run through a few MCU movies. We don't even get a hero name for him even after he saves the day. Thanks for reading my review and please excuse my rambling.
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I appreciate your words, and honestly I also think the same, but since it’s my first story I want to finish it even if it’s rushed. I couldn’t developed the characters much because I was too focused on improving the grammer, which I hope I did.
It's honestly an impressive showing for your first story. You have my respect for that. I didn't notice anything really bad from your grammar. Just the normal occasional typo and misplaced phrase. All that improves with experience, so I hope I didn't damper your mood with my review. Have a great day author.
Nah, it’s all good man 👍
I just wanted to say it might be an overused concept for a story but has great potential too .. i hope after the practice run you re-write the story ..
as I'm writting this story, I'm getting hundreds(a bit exagerated) of new ideas. I'm really tempted to leave this story and start a new one.
You mean re write this one or start a new one ?
Both, but more writing a new story, and letting this be as a reminder.
Thanks for the warning man... I hate to waste my time with this kind of garbage ....
I'm too lazy to make an actual review but to add on to this review, the dialogue format is absolutely garbage. It indicates who's talking with a 'character: "dialogue"' then it ends it off with 'character' 'verb'. For example MC: "Green rocks scare me" MC said calmly. Formatting in the story is terrible in general so it's pretty hard to read.
Script dialogue is absolutely disgusting yeah.
