Review Detail of funmaxwell in Naruto The Untouchable (Completed)

hmm look I really really like your story's premise and I've often thought to myself just having dragon Ball Z's version of Ki and having all the knowledge of the techniques of one or two characters from the series would be overpowered in a lot of various settings and would make for an awesome si fanfic and your story's is premise somewhat close to that so I'm highly interested. but your story has some serious problems and it's hard to enjoy reading your story with these problems present in it and chief among them are grammar and dialogue issues. as there's pretty much grammar issues in every sentence of your story and the most common among them are extra words that don't need to be there or what you mean to say is there but the words are in the wrong order. and then there's phrasing and what do I mean by that it's just like you could have said it smoother or better. as a lot of the dialogue doesn't feel very natural and not like a computer unnatural more like the awkward Foreigner that can communicate his ideas but he says it like the most awkward way possible and it just makes character feel off in away I can't quite describe. I also can help think to myself is the magic pendant that increases gravity necessary? when the Naruto universe has fuinjutsu which you could probably use to replicate to the same effect. then there's a whole elephant in the room about him not being seen using dragon Ball z techniques at night or just before the sun rises or whatever. as most dragon Ball techniques are pretty much a light show and should be a beacon in the middle of the night to any civilians or Ninja who just happened to be on patrol at night and that's not even getting into the how they're super destructive. then there's the fact you give him ultra instinct in chapter 1. which made it feel completely unearned. which was kind of s***** thing to do.