Although there are only 4 chapters as of writing this it pretty good somethings I have noticed are: • it’s very fast paced, fast paced like so far he has evolved 3 time in 1 evolution and he has been captured and probably enslaved in 4 chapters. • next is character design, so far there hasn’t been to many characters to describe so take this with a grain of salt but it’s sub par as there isn’t much discretion of the characters other than size and colour but this might change as there are only 4 chapters and not that many characters. • third is the main character he is meh, he adapted very quickly like almost instantly, he has no problem eating raw fish right of the bat and he has no problem killing monsters either (don’t know about humans but he attacked a elf no problem). • I’m just going to go over the system real quickly, so far it’s just your generic system that answers questions, shows stats, skills and evolution options although the stat points rise quickly like he goes for 10-15 in stat to 200+ very quickly so there’s that. So that’s some of the things I’ve noticed this story has alot of potential in my opinion it just needs to improve the description of thing and maybe slow it down a bit. overall pretty good. Oh and take this review with a grain of salt as Im not gods at evaluating thing
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Thanks for the review! How do you recommend I make the story a bit more slow-paced? And also, do you have any tips for character description?
To make it a bit more slow paced you can focus a bit more on how the main character feels, like how he feels about being captured or you could put some focus on him getting used to his new body, like he went from a small bird that could only glid to a big one that is really good at flying I think that would take some time getting used to. And for the description of thing with the characters you could describe there body type like with the masked man, is he tall, is he skinny does he have noticeable muscles? And for the scenery take when he was taken on to the auction stage, where abouts is he on it, how many people does he think are there, are there guards (if so what are they wearing), what does he see on people’s faces (greed, disgust, interest or indifference)?
Thanks, I'll try to apply this to the following chpaters tomorrow.
