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Prince_HikarumiLv21yr
2023-09-06 02:48

So I will admit this style isnt my particular favorite, in fact, I dislike it. However I do like the flow of the story, when it does indeed flow. It definitely pulls your attention to key bits of Jayden's mind. I do however find the first several chapters lunky. This improves as they continue to post updates, I will say however that its still an issue of wordiness, some bits can be condense to convey the same meaning. But these are growing pains. I cannot wait to see how they continue to grow as a writer. So if you want a good story from a writer that is giving it their best shot, I do recommend, never be afraid of giving critical feedback. Invest in the author and enjoy the returns in story form!

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Abdullah1578_botLv2

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GeneralDeFartos_LLv4

It's a great story. Nice characters and competent MC. Story progression is neat, nothing bad sticks out, it's all smooth and nothing illogical. --- The only bad thing I can say here: - Many wives = not good I don't mind if he's a playboy that flirts and does the deed and then dips and disappears. The problem is when he likes someone, we get a lot of details during his conquest to conquer her and how he wifes her up. But after that we readers forget her cuz she's now in his collection, so why go in depth into her character? That's a problem. It'll become more of a problem the more wives he gets, it's just adding wives to his collection and adding baggage on top of his problems. It wouldn't have been a problem if he actually makes them his wife but leaves them in their world. It wouldn't be a problem if MC was just trashy and he just uses them then forgets them without making them wives. It becomes a problem when he's constantly trying to juggle between them when they're with him, we don't see their personalities and don't go in depth of their psyche, they just become a chore for the MC at that point. As a reader, I'm tired just reading about he plans his dates with each one. ----- Now, where my gripe lies: Why the heck is he capturing anyone and everyone and turning them into a wife? He can conquer anyone but no need to turn her into a wife! What's the point of layla? She has absolutely nothing to do with him, so why take her along? She's useless and doesn't add anything to the story. Even Sophie is too much, he just had a slight little connection with her, no feelings and certainly no purpose for MC to take care and wife her up. At this point it just feels like a collect em all type of story in terms of harem. The same type of problem every harem story has. Authors don't focus of the story and feelings behind characters. They focus on collecting as many girls for MC as possible within the confines of the story. I see this story heading in a similar direction. If the harem gets too much, even the author wouldn't know how to deal with it. My favorite characters in this story are: MC Anna Emily (cute lil kid) Favorite wives: Alice Sasha All others are just extra with no real need to add them in the story, it would've been fine if they were in their own world.

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