webnovel
MangetsuTH
MangetsuTHLv31yr
2023-07-19 05:50

This is probably the first time you've written a fanfic, right? I'll be fair here and say it's not awful but it's not great either, it's actually between bad and meh, sorry. I can feel a bit of personality in your MC, but that's it and nothing more, to be honest you rushed things too much and I hardly feel the impact of events, your MC doesn't seem to feel either. By the way, the only one that can be called a character in this fanfic is your MC and that's for very, very little and that's worrying. This happens with a lot of new fanfics writers, these authors are so focused on making their characters interact in some way with the cannon story that they end up doing everything in a hurry, and then they want to go straight to the next point of the story, you can imagine how it ends, right? If you like writing fics I suggest you take it easy and pay attention to your story, compare it with others you really like and see if you are satisfied with your work, if so, well, keep going, if not, take more time to polishing it. I also suggest some character development arcs, if your MC is someone who just gets it right, it gets boring to follow her story, make her fail convincingly, create flaws for her and let her overcome them! Of course, you don't have to kill anyone or anything like that, but a few defeats build character.

Liked by 11 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Kurama24
Kurama24Lv4

SPOILERS YOU'VE BEEN WARNED: Read till latest chapter (30) Cons: 1. The grammar is just terrible, like u can understand what the author wrote but u will get a migraine while trying to understand it. 2. The interaction between the mc and some characters (especially with jinwoo) feel robotic/emotionless it's just too hollow. 3. The mc still can't accept being a female after living in his new body for 18 years not to mention he has some slightly edgy/overreacting tendencies with jin ho even though the guy did nothing wrong or when the mc used intimidation on a crowd of people just bcz they are fangirling over him. 4. The Mc has too many skills, traits, abilities but hardly uses any of them like i question what's the point of some of them especially frogadier who is just there for no reason and most of the elements he unlocked. 5. There isn't much character development, the Mc's mentality stays the same throughout the 30 chaps unless u consider his weird 1st dungeon dive 6. (This one depends on the reader) The storyline is practically the same and the chapters are fast paced (around 20 chapters to go from jinwoo getting his system to the guild conference in america). Pros: 1. The isn't a pushover, is somewhat smart. 2. The concept of the ff is good especially with the killing Reincarnator's idea. 3. Not sure yet but with the pacing of the ff soo far it looks like it will be multiverse traveling in the future especially since Mc is practically the strongest atm and the whole reincarnation goddess behind him. 4. It's single romance soo far with jin ah, Hae in will probably be with jin woo, insect monarch is still unknown, as for the japanese huntress with tattoos she is normal friends with the mc. TLDR: It's like the author prepared himself to make some french fries but they ended up slightly overcooked and for some reason he mixed them with an octopus flavored sauce so it ended up weird but good at the same time😅

Related Stories

Inner Voice: All Heroines Hear My Inner Voice

Reincarnated and traveling to another world, Eiji Seiya initially thought the world was normal. That was what he thought before he met the heroine and protagonist of the franchise he had watched in his previous life. Not only that, after he awakened the Inner Voice System to grow strong by complaining about plot, heroine and protagonist in his heart to get many rewards. He is determined to increase his power so that he can save his home world, the world where he was reincarnated that was hit by the disaster "Honkai" and save beautiful girls like Kiana, Mai, Bronya, Rita and others who had tragic endings in the original works! "I will save them all!" However... Everything went smoothly... Eiji earned rewards every time he changed the plot in another franchise. It's just that... What's wrong with these heroines? Lala Satalin Deviluke who was supposed to be engaged to the protagonist instead became his fiancée. Sona Sitri suddenly called him to the student council office and said she wanted to make a deal with him. Rias Gremory who was supposed to ask the protagonist for help to solve her political marriage problem with Riser Phenex inexplicably came to him. The girls were disgusted at the protagonists of their respective franchises. Something was wrong here! Not only that, heroines like Kotegawa Yui, Sairenji Haruna, Akeno Himejima, Kuroka, Serafall Leviathan, Grayfia Lucifuge, Sakurajima Mai, Ai Hoshino, Kasumigaoka Utaha and others... They like him! All the super beautiful and sexy women that many men in the world covet surround him and leave their respective protagonists. Grayfia even betrayed her husband. Eiji who saw all this was dumbfounded. At first he was confused as to why these heroines were surrounding him, but gradually he realized and knew that it was all happening because ... His inner voice! - The plot that has been changed by the MC: To Love Ru: 83% Highschool DxD: 82% Shinmai Maou no Testament: 92% Oregairu: 89% Saekano: 84% Oshi no Ko: 100% Rascal Does Not Dream Of Bunny Girl Senpai: 100% Mieruko-chan: 89% Trinity Seven: 38% This is the plot change process of the latest chapter and will change as the story progresses. By the way, the grammar at the beginning is bad and will improve as the chapter progresses. However, my writing style will not change much because this is an inner voice novel, which means that there will be many reactions from each character. Oh and in chapter hundreds there will be a group chat to prevent the loss of interaction between the heroines. It's a special chat group for the heroines in the MC's harem. - Get the latest chapters faster on my patreon. Support me on patreon to keep me motivated to write more chapters: www.patreon.com/DogLicker

DogLickerGods · Anime & Comics
4.7
493 Chs