Review Detail of DetachedDreamer in Friendly Neighborhood Youtuber Spider-man
Review detail
The story is decent. kind of original but I think the writing is missing something. I feel zero emotions from the MC. even had to capitalize words to give it some semblance of feeling. he feels have dead, maybe robotic even. his view on many things honestly don't make sense but that could just be my opinion. There is a lot of attempts at humor but most fall flat. and finally, might just occur in the beginning but he's being affected by the soul of the original body owner, his personality isn't even fully his own. I couldn't read past the first few chapters. but id give it a try before moving on.
Friendly Neighborhood Youtuber Spider-man
KamBroFam123ERT
Liked by 17 people
LIKEReplies4
you didn't really convey the fear or confusion when he first woke up to this new reality. neither happiness of all the possibilities or the excitement in the eyes of someone realizing they have powers. it feels more like facts are being spit out and almost monotonous. just my opinion when reading. its impressive to even write publicly. I bet there people who do appreciate this writing style. I love the details and small things that make the story bloom. but im probably being over critical. decent story regardless.
KamBroFam123ERT:Thank you for the review, i would like to know what i should do to make the mcs emotions more impactfull. Any suggestions are ok.
If it's about that, then i can say with confidence that it'll get better as the chapters go. Thanks for the support and adviceđ
DetachedDreamer:you didn't really convey the fear or confusion when he first woke up to this new reality. neither happiness of all the possibilities or the excitement in the eyes of someone realizing they have powers. it feels more like facts are being spit out and almost monotonous. just my opinion when reading. its impressive to even write publicly. I bet there people who do appreciate this writing style. I love the details and small things that make the story bloom. but im probably being over critical. decent story regardless.