webnovel
Silver_meteor0418
Silver_meteor0418Lv151yr
2023-07-09 16:04

The story is solid, same with background information. I love the power system and that it isn't just 1 single path but multiple. My only real complaint is how you describe moments. Sometimes It is best to use simple vocabulary instead of always using big words (If that makes sense). Ex: A deep sense of foreboding and uncertainty is etched into their minds at the magnitude of their dilemma.instead, you could describe it as: The weight of the incoming danger weighs heavily on their shoulders. They both convey the same meaning, but it is more impactful to save powerful words and phrases for specific moments instead of every sentence

Liked by 4 people

LIKE
Replies1
MrBtheNovelist
MrBtheNovelistAuthor

Appreciate the support and constructive criticism! This is my first novel so I'm still improving as a writer! Would appreciate if you could check out my second piece "The Day The Earth Stopped Spinning" when you have the time :)

Other Reviews
Related Stories

Getting A System In A Modern World

[WSA 2024 Entry] Please Support. _________ Silas, as a normal hot-blooded youth with big dreams and huge ambition, wanted to see the world, experience what it has to offer while living his dream life. But when has life ever gone according to plan? when has it ever been fair to anyone? Silas was hit with a reality check after graduating, if school was hard, society is harder. For two years he worked but nothing seems to be working out. He gave up on his dreams and ambition and his determination waned. After a long day at work one day, he looked up at the ceiling and made a wish, a wish he never knew will come true and change his life forever. He got a system, one that seems to be an all-rounder and it has his dream feature. [Ding!] [You spent $1199. You received 10x rebate of expenses made. You earned $11,990. The money has been sent to host bank account] "My dream life is no longer out of reach!" ________ This is my first book and English is not my main, I will apologize for any possible error. ________ Disclaimer: 'Getting A System In A Modern World' is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This book may reference real companies and organizations, but these references are for narrative purposes only and are not intended to depict actual conduct or involvement of these entities. The use of these names and references is not meant to harm, defame, or discredit these companies or organizations. ________ Thank you for reading :)

Daoist_Godfiend · Sci-fi
3.9
338 Chs