Review Detail of Vatorum in Dungeon WAR: Raising goblins as a dungeon
Review detail
Before I go into any detail, I need to mention a few things..., for one, the book feels more like the author is writing it for themselves and not others, or they just don't care all that much about the readability. On average, it's like 0.7 spelling mistakes per paragraph and it can get tricky to guess at first sight, so it does sometimes break the immersion. The other thing is that, there was this one chapter (I just checked - chapter 6) at the beginning of the story introducing some new characters and then nothing more for more than 40 chapters. No mention, no obvious development in that area, it wasn't even a full chapter that was first dedicated to it.OK, fine. I'm good now, so let's get to the story, shall we?First of all, and something that personally got me interested, was the world building and the way author explained why you can't just pop a gun out of nowhere and "win the game". It's very intuitive and nicely weaved into the world. The background was also neatly put together without revealing too much.The story goes rather slow, but has enough action to keep you invested in the plot. And as we reach the plot I have a feeling (not a good one) that we will get some oh so worked to the bone MC's very tragic backstory... It wasn't introduced yet (I'm on chapter 51 right now), what it is, but there were some thing that made me think so and they also messed quite a bit with the image of the MC.At first as we are introduced to the MC and learn that they (author refers to the as "he" MOST of the time) are a dungeon, we are also told that they think they remember being human and some other things, but no spoiler... The point is that they discard that thought right the next second and we start to learn more about him in the light of something detached from the world of mortals, living in a different reality, in more ways than one, but then things happen and for some weird reason...Please consider, if you want to read ahead as it will be a teeny tiny spoiler.Please consider, if you want to read ahead as it will be a teeny tiny spoiler.Please consider, if you want to read ahead as it will be a teeny tiny spoiler....for some weird reason he just suddenly remembers that he ?was? ones a human, because he got a headache over having too many options about what to do (in all honesty, there were just two... it was just two options... and not really that complicated) and now our beloved MC is acting like a scared lil' ... I won't say it. Judge yourself. After a short moment, things are back to normal, but man, really?
Dungeon WAR: Raising goblins as a dungeon
4thBlackGoblin
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author here, I thank you for reading my story thus far and thank you for the review. so let me address some of the problems.readability. Yes this is a problem i have noticed and am currently trying to change. since I don't have an editor and I am doing this all on my own, this is hard. but I will make this as readable as possible.character(s)the main character's character is supposed to be human or he at least wishes it was. but ultimately his dungeons way of thinking ultimately overpowers. thus opening up to seemingly cruel and inhumane actions. this is a somewhat slow process of himself trying to keep awake and not become something else. as for the whole deep rooted fear he felt back then and how he was somewhat faces with multiple choice, yeah he wasn't. there is a reason that happens. I the later chapter will reveal that. I'm pretty sure you can see that it's from his past.pace.yeah this is not something I can change. it's slow and I know it shouldn't be, but i didn't wnat to just skim through the first world so quickly. but because the first world was supposed to be short, you won't see a lot of character developments and well drawn plots. because it's quite simple, they attack me I attack them.
It's perfectly fine. I have a habit of being too honest. So I'm serious when I say that you lost 1 star with me just on those mistakes (I personally use Microsoft Edge to fix it by making a pdf of my work and ask it to read it for me aloud). Overall, you did a really good job with it. An interesting idea and a pretty nice execution.
4thBlackGoblin:author here, I thank you for reading my story thus far and thank you for the review. so let me address some of the problems.readability. Yes this is a problem i have noticed and am currently trying to change. since I don't have an editor and I am doing this all on my own, this is hard. but I will make this as readable as possible.character(s)the main character's character is supposed to be human or he at least wishes it was. but ultimately his dungeons way of thinking ultimately overpowers. thus opening up to seemingly cruel and inhumane actions. this is a somewhat slow process of himself trying to keep awake and not become something else. as for the whole deep rooted fear he felt back then and how he was somewhat faces with multiple choice, yeah he wasn't. there is a reason that happens. I the later chapter will reveal that. I'm pretty sure you can see that it's from his past.pace.yeah this is not something I can change. it's slow and I know it shouldn't be, but i didn't wnat to just skim through the first world so quickly. but because the first world was supposed to be short, you won't see a lot of character developments and well drawn plots. because it's quite simple, they attack me I attack them.
Vatorum:It's perfectly fine. I have a habit of being too honest. So I'm serious when I say that you lost 1 star with me just on those mistakes (I personally use Microsoft Edge to fix it by making a pdf of my work and ask it to read it for me aloud). Overall, you did a really good job with it. An interesting idea and a pretty nice execution.