webnovel
Shaine_chan
Shaine_chanLv21yr
2023-06-04 16:56

First of all, I'd like to say that I enjoyed how the story progressed. I just noticed in the first few chapters that I've read that the author loved using *smash* and *water splash*. And I think it would be best if you'd just describe it instead like for example, "She heard a loud sound that echoed in the four corners of the room". Second, the author needs to work on the proper use of punctuation. Avoid using too many "!" Lastly, the grammatical errors and typographical errors. So far I could say that the story has good potential. Keep working. You are doing a great job so far.

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Related Stories

Contracted The Beautiful Triplets And I Gained The 10000x Rebate System

This was a world where martial arts thrived and everyone would at least dabble in it. Schools did not test the student's ability in mathematics or languages but in martial arts. Just before his graduation, Lin Bai had awakened the 10000x Rebate System. Whenever his contractee grew, he would be able to get the same growth bit at a multiplied amount. Lin Bai quickly contracted the beautiful genius triplets of his school. “Contractee Su Qing has consumed the Body Tempering Elixir and has raised her vitality by 10 points. 100x rebate activated. Your vitality has risen by 1000 points.” “Contractee Su Lan has successfully mastered the A-grade Mountain Splitting Palm. Her palm force has risen by 5 kg. 1000x rebate activated. You have received the Sky Splitting Palm and your palm force has risen by 5 tons.” “Contractee Su Zi has obtained the bones of a Fierce-grade beast. Her foundation bone has evolved into the Warrior Plane. 10000x rebate activated. You have received the bone of a Legendary-grade beast and your foundation bone has evolved to the Grandmaster Plane.” “Lin Bai has reached a height that I’ll never reach,” said Su Qing. “Sis, don’t tell me that you like Lin Bai? Su Zi, you too? But, I was here first…” Su Lan pouted. “Umm… So, should I call you brother-in-law or hubby?” Lin Bai looked at the three sisters arguing in the bed and grinned. “Only a child has to make choices. I’ll take all three of you.”

Powerpuff Girl · Action
4.2
470 Chs

Chaos Devourer System

In a future timeline… Earth is thrown into chaos when an unknown force pulls it from the Milky Way, sending it into a strange new galaxy. A powerful energy called Mana floods the planet, changing its very core and breaking the old rules of reality. This Mana awakens long-hidden genes in humans—genes that once only existed in myths. The world is now ruled by strength, and only those with the strongest awakened genes are respected. As humanity grows stronger, they venture beyond Earth, exploring a vast new universe full of alien races, dangerous creatures, and worlds never seen before. This new universe has no limits, and the word "Impossible" no longer exists. The story follows Zeras Celestria, a young man from one of the Nine Families. Considered worthless for failing to awaken the family's powerful A-grade Lightning Hammer Gene, Zeras instead awakens the weak F-grade Multi-colored Hair Gene. He is therefore sold to a dark group known for cruel experiments on the weak. Left for dead, Zeras feels his life fading with each breath, anger and despair filling his heart. Until… [Congratulations.] [Host has been blessed by Chaos.] [Host has successfully awakened the SSS-grade Chaos Devouring Gene.] Armed with an SSS-grade Gene and an insatiable thirst for vengeance, Zeras begins his journey—a relentless pursuit to become the strongest, to rise above the universe’s boundless horizon, and to claim a power that no one before him has dared to grasp. A Path Many Have Walked, But None Have Conquered. A Future Scene… "Look into my eyes. What do you see?" A young man stands, his hair white as snow, his lips red as blood, and his face perfectly sculpted. But his eyes—no, they are not eyes. They are endless black holes, swallowing all light and hope! "I see death, madness, pain, and..." "Yes… I am the final embodiment of Chaos." OTHER WORKS My Bio-Nanotech System Infinity Guardian System

Supreme_IQ · Action
4.3
762 Chs