webnovel
Belthezzor
BelthezzorLv42yr
2023-03-13 06:52

Riiight...So your story went from someone who was an average everyday person, with more memories and life experiences, being transmigrating in Andrew Detmer's DEAD body, to thinking he is Andrew himself, so you can justify "falling down the slippery slope" of what, Madness? So disappointing. According to your own story, he received Andrew's memories not blend with an alive person. Before Andrew's psychotic break because of pain, loss of his mother, and the state of his life, he was an abused, but was still feeling, awkward, intelligent person. So for your character to go from a regular guy, to someone who "lost most of his morals" is a convenient plot device because right now it's pretty much a psychotic version of what Andrew could have become with that version of Andrew's thoughts. The transmigrated person is gone, and pretty much didn't last two chapters. The fact that you follow Fanon X-Men characterizations just makes this even worse. This story had so much potential. Now, it's a sewer sludge mix of edge lording, narcissistic personality disorder, web novel style "evil mc" syndrome.

Liked by 97 people

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Replies4
Demonata_what_if
Demonata_what_ifLv1

doesnt it literally so villain? i havent read but ... that feels like a lot of this would have been implied

DaoistJhtAYc
DaoistJhtAYcLv4

Hmm interesting, what Fanon knowledge is added? Only read up to chapter 25 and I haven’t seen any yet

Great_Young_Master
Great_Young_MasterLv12

What happens?

The content has been deleted
Genn_stars
Genn_starsLv3

the villain tag isn't a justification for a poorly written character.

Demonata_what_if:doesnt it literally so villain? i havent read but ... that feels like a lot of this would have been implied
Other Reviews
BornToKillYou
BornToKillYouLv1
ydoBoN
ydoBoNLv1

The concept of the story is great as it combines different stories into a bigger world, but unfortunately, this is the only good quality of the story. Grammatically speaking, the story is horrific and barely understandable. Past, present, and future tenses are non-existent, and the author has no excuse for this type of writing quality, especially with free apps such as Chat GPT and Grammarly available to assist with editing and proofreading. Regarding the plot, the story makes no sense. The author skips introductions, transitions, and interactions just to arrive at what they consider the 'good part.' If you haven't already seen all the TV shows or movies referenced in the story, then the author won't explain a thing. Relationships are non-existent. The MC barely speaks with anyone, and for plot convenience, the next chapter, he's suddenly friends with everyone out of the blue. The interactions between characters are poorly written, feeling forced and rushed, with everyone in the same scene reacting the same. They don't feel like individuals; instead, they are more like NPCs. The powers are unrealistic, with the MC discovering seven new powers each chapter for plot convenience. There is absolutely no reason to justify his god-level intellectual ability to discover and create new powers. He thinks about them for one or two sentences, and then they pop into existence. The pacing is the worst aspect of the story. Half the story feels like an outline with bullet points that the author is trying to cross off. Overall, the story needs significant improvement in grammar, plot, character development, and pacing.

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