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Lizrock
LizrockLv41yr
2023-05-14 08:31

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Supreme Saiyan God

David_555
Not enough ratings
45 Chs

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Other Reviews
AnotherAtlas
AnotherAtlasLv2

Here's some criticism: 1 You have giant walls of text littering your novel. You should separate them into smaller ones. 2 You often forget to capitalize the first letters of sentences. 3 The main character's (mc) backstory is unrealistic, as in it's unnatural to become completely useless just because your mother died. People don't suddenly lose any plans they had and just turn into vegetables as soon as something bad happens. 4 The mc always talking, panicking, screaming, etc etc is annoying. People have a thing called 'thoughts' or 'inner thoughts'. They don't keep saying everything they're thinking of or feeling out loud. 5 The mc suddenly turning brave and facing a giant acid-slinging python makes no sense. We already established he was pretty useless and didn't do much in his previous life, and no trashy degrees can explain him being a genius at fighting. 6 He says he'll be having snake sushi later, but he doesn't know how to make a fire, as far as we know. There's also no seaweed or kelp or anything nearby, he is in a forest right now. Biggest story problem is that everything is thrown out extremely quickly, without even surface level logic explaining it. Biggest character problem is that it's inconsistent and the backstory doesn't make sense if you take a second glance at it. Biggest writing problem is the fat paragraphs.

2yr

Captain_Apocalypse
Captain_ApocalypseLv14

Pretty decent story so far, the grammar doesn't want to make me shoot myself in the head like other cultivation stories here so that's very good

2yr
PettiaMius_6689
PettiaMius_6689Lv4

I like the way the story is set up, just don't make too many filler chapters. I hope you can put the Mc power level after the end of a chapter or every 5, because we the readers need to gage where he is in strength, other than that great story

2yr
Venomous_X
Venomous_XLv14

This is done looking forward for the rest. You could also add vegeta’s ultra ego in this and make it to where when he is strong enough he can combine ego with instinct and that can make him ascend even further as a higher life form like this pic here.

2yr
David_555
David_555Author

Hi guys, author-kun here, I hope everone enjoys this book . Please have mercy on me as its my first time writing a book.

2yr
IgnisPrimus
IgnisPrimusLv14

I guess you are a hypocrite now? I guess you are a hypocrite now? I guess you are a hypocrite now? I guess you are a hypocrite now? I guess you are a hypocrite now?

1yr
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