Good story, the plot is interesting and the characters are well developed. Still, I want to give you a few tips from a fellow author that can imho improve your writing... Try to drop the "he said," and "she said" in every dialogue line it's kind of distracting. Another thing is you should focus less on every mundane thing that Max does - remember you are writing a novel, not a journal. So focus primarily on things important for the plotline. But overall I think it has potential so keep writing!
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Thanks
But what will I write instead of he said
Well, it's the good old principle of "Show, not tell..." Ideally, you should write the dialogue in a way that the identity of the speaker comes naturally from the context of the sentence, and in that case, you don't have to write any "he said" to it. But that of course requires a lot of practice so for now, keep it in mind and try to avoid it where you can.
DARK_DEKU:But what will I write instead of he said
Okay
CosmicQuill:Well, it's the good old principle of "Show, not tell..." Ideally, you should write the dialogue in a way that the identity of the speaker comes naturally from the context of the sentence, and in that case, you don't have to write any "he said" to it. But that of course requires a lot of practice so for now, keep it in mind and try to avoid it where you can.
