webnovel
CosmicQuillLv21yr
2023-06-14 07:04

Good story, the plot is interesting and the characters are well developed. Still, I want to give you a few tips from a fellow author that can imho improve your writing... Try to drop the "he said," and "she said" in every dialogue line it's kind of distracting. Another thing is you should focus less on every mundane thing that Max does - remember you are writing a novel, not a journal. So focus primarily on things important for the plotline. But overall I think it has potential so keep writing!

Time For Vengeance

DARK_DEKU
4.5
41 Chs

Liked by 4 people

LIKE
Replies4
DARK_DEKUAuthor

Thanks

1yr
1
DARK_DEKUAuthor

But what will I write instead of he said

1yr
1
CosmicQuillLv2

Well, it's the good old principle of "Show, not tell..." Ideally, you should write the dialogue in a way that the identity of the speaker comes naturally from the context of the sentence, and in that case, you don't have to write any "he said" to it. But that of course requires a lot of practice so for now, keep it in mind and try to avoid it where you can.

DARK_DEKU:But what will I write instead of he said
1yr
1
DARK_DEKUAuthor

Okay

CosmicQuill:Well, it's the good old principle of "Show, not tell..." Ideally, you should write the dialogue in a way that the identity of the speaker comes naturally from the context of the sentence, and in that case, you don't have to write any "he said" to it. But that of course requires a lot of practice so for now, keep it in mind and try to avoid it where you can.
1yr
Other Reviews
AYESHA_FAHIMLv1

There's so much potential in this novel! I'm not sure how to characterize it, but I'm confident that it will improve as the story goes on. Even though I've only read the first chapter, I have no doubt that the author will keep writing better chapters to make this book even better! Let's hope for a clever and enjoyable voyage! The first few chapters had a feeling of being about everyday life.

1yr
7
1

BeckyAnimeGirl54Lv2

I loved the description. The characters are so adorable. I'll be keeping watch on this story. I want to see what happens next. I would recommend it.

2yr
6
1
daylightmoon123445Lv1

Author, I loved your story, it's obvious that there is potential, lots of potential, seeping from your novel. The only thing lacking is um, how do I say this? Ah yes, a narrative technique. It's evident from the synopsis that you lack a narrative technique. Please don't treat this as criticism, merely feedback to make your story even better! I love the concept, the worldbuilding, but the story could use some descriptions. For a beginning author, your writing is quite good, and I believe you should keep writing because practice makes perfect :) Good luck and kudos to you!

1yr
5
1
GrandmastersLv3

The story is cool and I can say that it was passable. Grammar is fine and also its narration. The flow too! Good job and keep it up! [img=angry]

1yr
5
1
Novel_DumreLv3

This book has so much potential! The writing is so choppy and I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'm sure it will only get better as the story progresses. I've only read the first chapter, but I'm confident that the author will continue to improve and make this book even more amazing! Here's to hoping for a witty and joyful journey!

2yr
5
1
VivianRulesLv3

This is a novel to red. It is interesting an can keep you hooked. Bravo!!!!!

2yr
5
1
SmiitaaLv2

I recently had the opportunity to delve into your work, and I commend your effort in creating a captivating narrative. However, I would like to offer a constructive review that highlights the need for further refinement and increased engagement within the story. While your writing style is commendable, there is room for improvement in terms of making the work more attractive and heightening the suspense that your piece demands. Just sharing my opinion and for sure your work is adorable, just keep going.

1yr
4
1
Kris_Tylers_1273Lv12

Good Book, Please keep up the good work. It has the potential to become a great story!

1yr
4
1
PheebeekoroLv3

It's a wonderful story about vengeance that grips your attention

2yr
4
3
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