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KuroWashi1903
KuroWashi1903Author2yr
2023-01-02 01:44

I know the grammer needs work but this is my first project, plz go little easy on me, but i always welcome constructive criticism. i m trying to better my writing so you all can enjoy this story, like i said in the Synopsis this is going to be a slow burn story, mc will get weak to strong slowly.

Liked by 28 people

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Replies47
Kickedelm0
Kickedelm0Lv5

Ok. you should stop with the training arc it realy boring to lisean him always training and searisly stop that. And you should more consintrade on his druid. Because druid main weapons are spells, staff and transformation. And him being a knight is not optimal at all it can be usefuel to know how to defent against it and thats it. Also even dumb people would know that he don't need to bring advenct technology but you can bring or find seeds that you can use to farm. Like Potatos can be harvested in cold winters. Or make a cement. Better yet a salt farm using Salted ocean water. Or he can go in forest to look for charcol it better then using wood. And he is located in mounten region so there is 99% chanse there is jade in rocks. When he learn blacksmithing he can think out how to make damascus steel you can make crossbow even. He can't be that stupid. And consintrade on druid class not a fighter class it feels like you turning him in battle junkie. He also will need gold so better be smart also. Almost forgot he can make basic paper to.

The_forgotten_ones
The_forgotten_onesLv4

are you going to have romance in this ff?

KuroWashi1903
KuroWashi1903Author

There is going to be a wife or at max two. I didn't decide yet on that. I m going to have a poll about that when the time comes

The_forgotten_ones:are you going to have romance in this ff?
shashank_bhatt
shashank_bhattLv14

Why two? Atleast make it 4. So that Dany, Sansa, Margery and Missadeni can be taken by mc? Please author 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

KuroWashi1903:There is going to be a wife or at max two. I didn't decide yet on that. I m going to have a poll about that when the time comes
KuroWashi1903
KuroWashi1903Author

Aegon had two, so it is acceptable to have two; that is why. There is not going to be a harem in this fan fic. I have at least five other GOT fan-fic ideas, and when I start them, I might add a harem in the next one. But no harem in this one.

shashank_bhatt:Why two? Atleast make it 4. So that Dany, Sansa, Margery and Missadeni can be taken by mc? Please author 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Crimson_King
Crimson_KingLv6

That sucks, the story already sounded boring to begin with

KuroWashi1903:Aegon had two, so it is acceptable to have two; that is why. There is not going to be a harem in this fan fic. I have at least five other GOT fan-fic ideas, and when I start them, I might add a harem in the next one. But no harem in this one.
KuroWashi1903
KuroWashi1903Author

Sorry to hear that, but if you don't like you don't have to read it. I m not forcing you.

Crimson_King:That sucks, the story already sounded boring to begin with
Crimson_King
Crimson_KingLv6

I just dont get why authors get so hung up having tiny harems. Like does it really matter whether it’ 2 or 4? Either way it’ not 1 so it’s not a single love. Also I said it sounded boring mostly cause I read that you made a training arc way too long. Also I dont like the whole giving up memories. To me just sounds like the Mc will be stupid and it’ just and excuse for you to hide behind for any future plot holes or stupid decisions by saying “well the Mc doesn’t kno anything, hes no better than a newborn so don’t expect anything better from him”.

KuroWashi1903:Sorry to hear that, but if you don't like you don't have to read it. I m not forcing you.
RatedOverr
RatedOverrLv2

Since this is a GOT ff, just wanting to check, will the marriages be political ones and if yes, will they develop in actual romantic affection between MC and LI(s)?

KuroWashi1903:There is going to be a wife or at max two. I didn't decide yet on that. I m going to have a poll about that when the time comes
KuroWashi1903
KuroWashi1903Author

I am thinking of adding one but didn't decide yet.

RatedOverr:Since this is a GOT ff, just wanting to check, will the marriages be political ones and if yes, will they develop in actual romantic affection between MC and LI(s)?
ScionOfDegeneracy
ScionOfDegeneracyLv4

Dude, use chat gpt to fix your chapters. Completely free too.

castanho
castanhoLv3

Se nao gosta, nao lê filho da puta!

Crimson_King:That sucks, the story already sounded boring to begin with
castanho
castanhoLv3

Seria interessante casamento nao romanti o pra variar, politico apenas. Talvez outras pessoas tendo poderes de druida seria legal tbm.

KuroWashi1903
KuroWashi1903Author

I am thinking about political marriage too, as for the other people with druid powers it is too much of a spoiler. "who knows?" is all I can say :D

castanho:Seria interessante casamento nao romanti o pra variar, politico apenas. Talvez outras pessoas tendo poderes de druida seria legal tbm.
Crimson_King
Crimson_KingLv6

Sorry I don’t know what you said to me but the end sounded like you cursed me out

castanho:Se nao gosta, nao lê filho da puta!
Shadow_Gamer1
Shadow_Gamer1Lv4

not being to op is fine,but super slow development is the worst who'd choose to read that

Shadow_Gamer1
Shadow_Gamer1Lv4

bruh you thirsty af

shashank_bhatt:Why two? Atleast make it 4. So that Dany, Sansa, Margery and Missadeni can be taken by mc? Please author 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
KuroWashi1903
KuroWashi1903Author

Yes, the first 40 chapters are needlessly slow. Because this is my first writing experience, I couldn't pace the story at the start. That is why I am going to rewrite that part in the summer and going to turn those 40 chapters into 20 chapters. Excluding the first 40 chapters I think the pace is decent after chapter 50.

Shadow_Gamer1:not being to op is fine,but super slow development is the worst who'd choose to read that
BookWorm
BookWormLv4

I love the fact that there will only be one or two. I hate pokemon harems with endless women, that both author and readers forget. My favorites would be Dacey Mormont as the main wife/general/fighter and Missandei as the second wife/diplomat/spymaster. Marwyn and Qyburn as maesters, Jon as the right hand and castellan/master-at-arms. Do not send him to the Wall, please.

KuroWashi1903:There is going to be a wife or at max two. I didn't decide yet on that. I m going to have a poll about that when the time comes
BookWorm
BookWormLv4

Love your story so far. The sudden apperance of godlike entities kind of turned me off, but i'm going to wait and see where you go with them before further comments. Keep up the good work my dude!

KuroWashi1903:Yes, the first 40 chapters are needlessly slow. Because this is my first writing experience, I couldn't pace the story at the start. That is why I am going to rewrite that part in the summer and going to turn those 40 chapters into 20 chapters. Excluding the first 40 chapters I think the pace is decent after chapter 50.
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