Review Detail of Jovilynx in RevenGers

The story is great! I really liked the exposition at the beginning, and then the sudden jump into the action. I could see that it was a bit hard for you to write a child's mind until you got used to it, though even now, Matthew seems a bit too odd for a child, off-putting, even counting the horrors he faced. I don't like Asvin much, when I imagine him, he comes up along with the image of a slug. But I really like Rania, she's like a flower. I'm interested to see what happens next, so this is surely going into my library for keeping it! Also, the only reason I'm not giving you full 5 stars is the amount of commas you're using. I know of people who don't use enough commas and have too long sentences, but you? There's a comma every three words. I caught myself reading it like a broken google voice. XD