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mutekishifu
mutekishifuLv52yr
2022-11-03 02:01

extremely fast he wakes up finds a pokemon, goes to the city enters the hospital So far it's been good, but it can get better. .the problem is that out of nowhere he takes the almighty champion pokemon with mind reader powers (his pokemon), wanted to give - 10000 stars for this. seriously a champion is like the ultimate defence frontline level of a region and the league sends this guy to see a nobody let's not talk about how ridiculous it is to have a guy reading your mind and discovering everything about Mc at the beginning

A New Trainer

Waldo_Bro
Not enough ratings
16 Chs

Liked by 16 people

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Replies6
Waldo_Bro
Waldo_BroAuthor

Thanks for the review. I'll admit, it is a very fast start. It's my first story, so I'm still learning. As for the Champion, I thought it would be more realistic if some random person appears, isn't registered in any region, and reports activity from a criminal organization. I guess my execution wasn't good. Anyway, I'll try fixing the pacing.

2yr
1
Nogitsune96
Nogitsune96Lv5

It is normal in the Pokémon world that not everyone is in some registry, the mc could have come from some lost town far from the other population

Waldo_Bro:Thanks for the review. I'll admit, it is a very fast start. It's my first story, so I'm still learning. As for the Champion, I thought it would be more realistic if some random person appears, isn't registered in any region, and reports activity from a criminal organization. I guess my execution wasn't good. Anyway, I'll try fixing the pacing.
2yr
3
Waldo_Bro
Waldo_BroAuthor

Sorry for the late reply, but that's assuming that there are hidden villages/towns, an assumption I'm not making. Again, I could have done a better job explaining/executing this. However, I'm making certain assumptions and changes to the Pokémon world, making this an AU.

Nogitsune96:It is normal in the Pokémon world that not everyone is in some registry, the mc could have come from some lost town far from the other population
2yr
1
mow
mowLv4

I know you've already said its AU but there are indeed hidden tribes and such from the old days in Pokemon, primarily for dragon type trainers from what has been shown most of the time so it wouldn't be too farfetched. Regardless I haven't read the story so I'll give it a try.

Waldo_Bro:Sorry for the late reply, but that's assuming that there are hidden villages/towns, an assumption I'm not making. Again, I could have done a better job explaining/executing this. However, I'm making certain assumptions and changes to the Pokémon world, making this an AU.
2yr
2
Waldo_Bro
Waldo_BroAuthor

Yeah, one of those examples is Zinnia in ORAS. However, this is set after most game events and I am not including anime or Manga canon since i dont know them. Because of this, in my head Canon, the League of every region is aware of every town/family in their respective regions. Again, that's just the way I view it and it made it easier for me to start. But thank you for giving it a chance. There are definitely moments I should have given more time to write and think it out better.

mow:I know you've already said its AU but there are indeed hidden tribes and such from the old days in Pokemon, primarily for dragon type trainers from what has been shown most of the time so it wouldn't be too farfetched. Regardless I haven't read the story so I'll give it a try.
2yr
1
mow
mowLv4

Theres no problem if its easier for you to write this way, less stress if you actually know what you're getting yourself into when it concerns the story.

Waldo_Bro:Yeah, one of those examples is Zinnia in ORAS. However, this is set after most game events and I am not including anime or Manga canon since i dont know them. Because of this, in my head Canon, the League of every region is aware of every town/family in their respective regions. Again, that's just the way I view it and it made it easier for me to start. But thank you for giving it a chance. There are definitely moments I should have given more time to write and think it out better.
2yr
2
Other Reviews
SinfulOne
SinfulOneLv4

Not for me, I don’t like how the author made it so that all the information he has is out in the open, I believe that it ruined the whole isekai to Pokémon vibe, this may be me but I like it when the mc has somthing no one else has, where that be knowledge or some unique ability of the sorts, if your going to make and Isekai Pokémon fic where mc has no powers or system then at least let them keep the one thing about them that is remotely special, there knowledge. Anyway I hope this made sense. I’m just disappointed by the reasons I have given.

1yr

FadeKnight
FadeKnightLv2

A great Pokemon story. It has interesting Pokémon. it has a good starting premise. It starts in a fun region. And most importantly, the battles are well written. My only problem was in the beginning of the story the massive invasion of privacy is overlooked.

1yr
xKitetsu
xKitetsuLv4

Good stuff love the fact you’re using less common Pokemon so far, I like Marco as a Character and I’m enjoying the development between the regions champs. Keep it up!

2yr
Waldo_Bro
Waldo_BroAuthor

Author here for a (not as) shameless review. While it is just starting, I am really enjoying what I have written. I don't think it's anywhere near the best story out there, but I think it's pretty solid. At the time of writing, there are 5 chapters out (6 if you count the auxiliary chap), but I have already written a total of twenty. The plot has not started yet. I want MC to settle in before the PokéWorld really starts to show him what it's like. He won't encounter any real organizations like Team Rocket or Plasma or Flare, but there are remnants of these groups. This story will be a mix of slice of life (when things are calm), action-adventure (when the adventure starts and he's exploring the world), and thriller/suspense (when the plot really kicks in). Please bear with me, it might be a slow one. I like to think my writing quality is pretty above average, but I'll let you decide that. I plan to update weekly, still getting used to the system here.

2yr
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