Take in mind that I usually don’t like 1st person writing. First for the good parts: it has a decent premise and has good plot. Bad parts: First is the horrible choice in what,1-3, person the story should be written. Throughout the novel the author switches between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person. The author also seems to be writing in third person and then just replacing all the he with I. It turns out very striking when the mc is talking about himself in an outsiders(3rd persons) perspective but sticks with I throughout. The author also likes to have sentences describing scenes with you(2nd person) perspective and then follows with a 1st person sarcastic comment. It is so bad that I had to stop early. Character design is kinda influenced by the above problem. The mc seems very apathetic and distant. This is further exacerbated by the seemingly sarcastic comments made by the mc along with the serious 4th wall breaking moments. It really takes a lot away from the story and made me drop the book after the 5th time seeing it happen. Note to author: Stick with 1 perspective. Don’t assume that the readers know everything about the one piece series. Don’t make mc comments different from how you describe the world. If u describe, for example, a teleportation as flashy and unexpected( again with the sudden perspective change) don’t follow it up with the mc saying it is normal. Who is the mc talking to? The reader, obviously, but keep ur stories contained in the story!!! Don’t try to comment on imaginary, in the mcs perspective, people. It just drives me to believe the mc is psychotic. This isn’t helped by the attitude and personality traits u decided to give ur mc.
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This is the first time I've responded to my fanfiction review in a long time. First and foremost, I appreciate you for sharing your experiences, and your criticism is constructive. I admit that the part you pointed out is true, and I can't do anything but accept it because it is part of my learning. Perhaps this sounds shameless, but would you mind reading and reviewing my other fanfiction?
I’ll go add it to my library and see if I can give any constructive help if it needs it
InstaMoist:This is the first time I've responded to my fanfiction review in a long time. First and foremost, I appreciate you for sharing your experiences, and your criticism is constructive. I admit that the part you pointed out is true, and I can't do anything but accept it because it is part of my learning. Perhaps this sounds shameless, but would you mind reading and reviewing my other fanfiction?
