webnovel
Debbie_Rozz
Debbie_RozzLv12yr
2022-08-11 19:11

The book is wonderful, need a little work but it wonderful I like the story line and the character's I love the settings, in all it a brilliant story

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Replies1
Debbie_Rozz
Debbie_RozzLv1

Thank you for your review I appreciate

Other Reviews
Galanar
GalanarLv15

I'm really sorry about the low notes, but I can't bring myself to give more. Your writing quality leaves greatly to desire, for many reasons. The first one is, your English needs some work. Many typos and misplaced capitalization. Your paragraphs are monstrously long for a web novel. You might want to shorten them to 2 sentences per paragraph. Next is your constant switch between 1st and 3rd person views. You should really choose one and stick to it. Then comes the descriptions. You use many many words, to describe next to nothing. If everything in a room is gold, silver, and red, don't describe the entire room piece by piece. That's just filling. Also, don't use the same subject 3 times in the same sentence, it causes redundancy. Next point now, story development. I feel like you tried to make the story develop, but instead, only monologue your protagonist's actions. Your flow was all busted because of it. Take your time, rushing only brings to scuffed work :) I can see you tried to describe your characters intensely, but all you described was their emotions and what they wear. That leaves next to nothing to your readers on who the character actually is. Give life to your characters. Not just the instant emotion, but how they got there, and what reason they have to be mad/sad/happy. As for world background, unless you describe it in your preceding chapters after the second, there was none. Keep in mind that your first chapters are here to hook your readers. If all they read is that the protagonist is mad, that leaves little want to keep reading. Try describing important stuff, like what is the world they are in. You give names, and call them gods, but gods of what? Give your readers some meat to sink their teeth into. The work needs work, but it could have potential if exploited correctly. Keep working on your style, keep improving, and you could go far :)

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