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Arklainne
ArklainneLv12yr
2022-08-05 10:54

For now, the World background is clear, though it was hard for me to visualize it clearly, you should add more details and make it extravagant so we can clearly imagine it.

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Forested
ForestedLv1
CharlieJames
CharlieJamesLv1

Wowey! Someone call an ambulance because I have no breath left! Just jokes. This debut chapter is one of, if not the best chapter I have read on this website. It includes many elements such as the beginnings of great character structure as well as building this fantastic world. I feel like I relate dearly to the main character and even made be shed a tear once or twice. I do have a few things I would like to suggest to a new author such as this brilliant one. I believe the characters should be balanced between genders and race so that it reaches and relates to the vaster majority of people. Then we can go main stream baby! I also LOVE the early mentions of the main character’s north-eastern roots and how he used to kick the sand out of boredom out the front of his bedroom window. I also use to do this but instead of sand, it was my hamster. Another point I would like to bring up during this opportunity to contact such an epic author is that your choice of title is perfect for such a tone and storyline. Even though we have not yet been emerged into the world of time in the story, I feel that I have been deeply impacted as time travels super fast while reading this book because of how emerged I get when reading it. I know for a fact that other readers feel the same way. For me, I have spent 4 hours so far reading over this 1st chapter and drawing what I believe the characters and world looks like. I have also ordered a custom bed spread from Etsy with my drawing on it. 5 stars any day.

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