So, I managed to reach the latest chapter (Chp 27). Now that i got to the latest update I wish to tell my grievances towards the novel.
Writing quality 3*. Overall, its decent, but there are a few issues i would like to talk about, and they are:
-The paragraphs and sentences. I would like to say that the biggest issue with the paragraphs and sentences are how they keep being split up into 1 or less sentences even while it's a monologue (thinking) or exposition.
By that i mean that most, and not all the writing is done that way, but it can be distracting. I advise that they be connected at least until 2 to 3 lines are written out without creating space between the sentences or paragraphs.
This will create a thicker paragraph, but also inducing confidence in your writing, and showing the readers that you can deliver an intriguing plot without relying on too many spaces between paragraphs.
-The comma and forceful splicing of sentences. I have already explained this to the author, so im not going to bother explaining once again.
-The amount of Exposition and monologue. This is a pretty big issue if it gets out of hand and goes on further than a hundred chapters.
Creating a balance between Dialogue, monologue, and exposition is very crucial to creating an extremely good foundation for your story. It's because by creating the balance that you can finally begin creating a concise and very good plot, and it's going to be very useful because if you're focusing on mystery or psychology. You will need a concise plot.
If there is too much exposition the audience will get bored, and if there is too much monologue the main character is going to spoon-feed us everything you write. Which is bad because that creates a situation called "show don't tell".
Simply put the main character just by thinking is going to give us every piece of info we need, and which we could have found out ourselves through the actions of other characters, or the actions of the main character.
And if there is too much Dialogue then the same issue of "show don't tell" comes back. Creating situations where one character gives us every info we need about an arc or other things literally spoon-feeding the reader information the author could have simply shown later on.
Maintaining the balance creates a relationship which becomes dynamic enough where you simply have to follow the plot without getting too sidetracked in exposition, monologues, or dialogues, and still get an exciting mystery, or intriguing plot points.
I can give you an example of how to combine them all neatly to get an intriguing and very nice character development.
(John walks through the hallway of the dilapidated inn slowly inching his way towards the most conspicuous door, but his nose picks up the smell of blood and burned chemicals.
'I wonder what Daniel is up to at this hour.' John thought while opening the door where the smoke was dissipating from.
"Close the door!!" A meek and agitated voice could be heard, quickly closing the door behind him he starts coughing as the smoke covered most of the ceiling.
"Cough, What in Arias name are you doing, Daniel!?" John lowers his head under the smoke only to see two skinny and hairy legs peek at him. Frowning John dashes to the window and opens it letting the smoke disperse.
After a minute John has now a clear sight of a man in his mid-thirties with goggles and a mask on while half naked with his dirty undies shown.
"In Arias blight! Why aren't you wearing pants!?" John inquired with trepidation shown all over his face and a sigh escaping him.
"You know what? Never mind."Before Daniel could reply John threw a bag of unknown materials at his half naked friend.
"Thanks John, Appreciate your help!" Daniel exclaimed with a bright smile and put his mask back on while taking out a bunch of weird materials, and John simply let out a sigh and silently left.
*BOOOOOOOOOM* A huge explosion could be heard as John looked up and let out an exasperated sigh. Meanwhile, John was expecting some guardsmen to appear, but only to be disappointed that no one even cared about it, but only the children who laughed whenever Daniel opened the window to get some fresh air.)
This is simply just an example. We use exposition to create the setting, monologue to point out a trait or characteristic of someone, and dialogue with exposition to show us the relationship through action. Not through words spoken between each other.
And lastly, we use exposition to show that people are already used to Daniel creating explosions daily. Closing the side event of sorts which shows us. Where Daniel lives and his character, how he treats his friends, and how much he trains or goes through.
We already learned so much just from 280 words. Isn't that amazing?
Either way most of my issues stem from Writing Quality.
Stability of updates 5* Good.
Story development 4* Its good, and I am invested in the story somewhat.
Character Design 4* The characters all seem pretty 3 dimensional, and mostly the main character, but it wouldn't hurt to characterize your other side characters more.
World Background 5* Yeah you like to exposition and monologue a lot, and so we got a pretty rich background considering it's only been 27 chapters.
Overall, 4.2*
