Review Detail of Justheguy in The Adventures of Artemis

I like the world building and world setting you've first introduced. Space, some history behind the cadet's backgrounds makes it to hook the reader in. I quite like it. Still, you put way too many commars (,) and make the sentences pause and pause interrupting the story dialogue. Just imagine as if you're the one talking and narrating the story. Thx I gotta go bye!