webnovel
Slan
SlanLv22yr
2022-03-22 13:37

Too cliché, the characters are so boring and not to mention the protagonist. Read it at your own risk, I do not recommend it...............................................

Liked by 51 people

LIKE
Replies36
OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

thank you for giving it a read. though I am sorry that the story isn't to your liking.

Zzz_808
Zzz_808Lv3

Thanks

OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

did you not like the story?

Zzz_808:Thanks
Zzz_808
Zzz_808Lv3

yes because mc is very easy to accept and order, also sometimes your chapter flow is confusing, because there is no need to write from all different angles and times, more direct when writing or you can use your point of view, with marin and who mc girl is too nice And no excuses, but while with mc grafitya it's good to maintain dignity, it also eliminates cooking for women, not men. your hard work is cool.

OVERLOAD69:did you not like the story?
OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

ok. I don't know how you reached the conclusion about MC being someone who listens to others, or why he is nice to Marin. he is passive towards Marin because the reason is there in the book.

Zzz_808:yes because mc is very easy to accept and order, also sometimes your chapter flow is confusing, because there is no need to write from all different angles and times, more direct when writing or you can use your point of view, with marin and who mc girl is too nice And no excuses, but while with mc grafitya it's good to maintain dignity, it also eliminates cooking for women, not men. your hard work is cool.
Zzz_808
Zzz_808Lv3

but still feed them, make costumes for free, why doesn't mc teach them to cook, what are women's functions for?

OVERLOAD69:ok. I don't know how you reached the conclusion about MC being someone who listens to others, or why he is nice to Marin. he is passive towards Marin because the reason is there in the book.
OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

Zzz_808:but still feed them, make costumes for free, why doesn't mc teach them to cook, what are women's functions for?
Bob_Uchiha_XD
Bob_Uchiha_XDLv4

jajjaajajajajjaa But you're right!

Zzz_808:but still feed them, make costumes for free, why doesn't mc teach them to cook, what are women's functions for?
Zzz_808
Zzz_808Lv3

Yeaaa bro

Bob_Uchiha_XD:jajjaajajajajjaa But you're right!
LukeMorningStar
LukeMorningStarLv3

Wow, your life must be pretty depressing if you have that kind of thinking and lonely too.

Zzz_808:but still feed them, make costumes for free, why doesn't mc teach them to cook, what are women's functions for?
Alusec_BR1
Alusec_BR1Lv10

no

LukeMorningStar:Wow, your life must be pretty depressing if you have that kind of thinking and lonely too.
OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

so you are supporting the fact the only use for women is to cook and clean?

Zzz_808:Yeaaa bro
Hunter_69
Hunter_69Lv13

Is there any use for them in your ff? maybe séx? 😶 dude is emotionless after all

OVERLOAD69:so you are supporting the fact the only use for women is to cook and clean?
Hunter_69
Hunter_69Lv13

you really have that 'Twitter' attitude. maybe you should find an fr where Mc cooking for women 24/7 like a slave. maybe that will help you

LukeMorningStar:Wow, your life must be pretty depressing if you have that kind of thinking and lonely too.
LukeMorningStar
LukeMorningStarLv3

Don't worry, I found one and while it's fictional, the MC has probably gotten into more relationships than you have because I doubt anyone could love you with that kind of fragile mindset and even more fragile reasoning. xD

Hunter_69:you really have that 'Twitter' attitude. maybe you should find an fr where Mc cooking for women 24/7 like a slave. maybe that will help you
Bob_Uchiha_XD
Bob_Uchiha_XDLv4

Don't be a resentful woman, the point is that MCs shouldn't do free jobs (cook, make dresses, make up, clean, take photos, edit... etc). Mc is a Simp, beta and cuckold man... why; Mc licks the boots of any woman. Working for free for any woman, for the simple fact that she is a woman and a "waifu" character, IS Pathetic!

OVERLOAD69:so you are supporting the fact the only use for women is to cook and clean?
OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

and who is the person that the mc is working for free? if you are going to say marin then they just haven't talked about the payment because the order hasn't been made yet he only cooked for marin once just once because they were the guest on the house. I don't see him cooking after that Or doing any chores cause grayfia does it and he did make some sopu for grayfia but that was because she was I'll so it is alright.

Bob_Uchiha_XD:Don't be a resentful woman, the point is that MCs shouldn't do free jobs (cook, make dresses, make up, clean, take photos, edit... etc). Mc is a Simp, beta and cuckold man... why; Mc licks the boots of any woman. Working for free for any woman, for the simple fact that she is a woman and a "waifu" character, IS Pathetic!
OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

what is wrong with people these days i guess hiding behind an screen gives you courage or what.

Hunter_69:Is there any use for them in your ff? maybe séx? 😶 dude is emotionless after all
OVERLOAD69
OVERLOAD69Author

soup* ill* I hate typing on phone.

OVERLOAD69:and who is the person that the mc is working for free? if you are going to say marin then they just haven't talked about the payment because the order hasn't been made yet he only cooked for marin once just once because they were the guest on the house. I don't see him cooking after that Or doing any chores cause grayfia does it and he did make some sopu for grayfia but that was because she was I'll so it is alright.
Bob_Uchiha_XD
Bob_Uchiha_XDLv4

Don't be angry, calm down. Although you should add tags to know what to expect from the story. Mc is a SIMP, Beta "man" and is very dumb; so if the author warned in the synopsis about Mc... it would prevent readers from reading something unpleasant (in her personal opinion).

OVERLOAD69:and who is the person that the mc is working for free? if you are going to say marin then they just haven't talked about the payment because the order hasn't been made yet he only cooked for marin once just once because they were the guest on the house. I don't see him cooking after that Or doing any chores cause grayfia does it and he did make some sopu for grayfia but that was because she was I'll so it is alright.
Other Reviews
Darkman90
Darkman90Lv1

I started this fanfic with zero expectations, just wanted to see what the story is like and where it is going and I can say with certainty that I am here to stay. A very mellow and chill story that you can read and have a good time. Starting with the world it is a mixed bag of a multiple stories together so kind of like fusion cuisine, where its like new and not new at the same time. But I will say the author made it simple and easy to follow with a good base for the story to go on. Occasionally the flashbacks confused me, as I can’t understand how many previous lives the mc had before the current one(as of chapter 90, I am still not sure). Writing quality is great with easy to follow and understandable sentences, not many errors in terms of spelling and grammar. But I think the author made a few mistakes with the timeline getting mixed up or even forgetting that certain character was already introduced to a character but then got introduced again to the same character. I will let it pass since juggling between multiple characters from different stories and different timelines can be quite difficult and one might get lost easily. Story, as of chapter 90 it is still not clear where the story is headed, what’s the goal? It seems like the author is going day to day and this is where I feel like the entire structure is not there…yet. Which leads me to my next point, the plot progression is really slow(which the author already warned about before I started the story) but I still I can’t help but feel that the story is slow and it kind of degrades the experience of reading this beautiful story. Like I loved it so far, read like 90 chapters in a day, and noticed that plot progression is like 30 or 40 chapters. So I hope the author-san notches up the pace a bit. Characters, the star of the show! I thoroughly enjoyed most of the characters. They didn’t feel like blank pieces in a story, most of them felt alive and likable. It is a fanfic so the characters are not original but I did notice the minor spices that author added to some of the characters. I also noticed other reviews calling the mc, beta-simp and pushover which is mostly not true. The mc is a very emotionless character but that doesn’t mean he is cold and selfish. He goes along with his companions wishes because he is just a caring character and many readers found it simp like behavior or pushover, which I personally didn’t think so. But at the same time I felt like the author just made him so agreeable to his companions wishes or whims just for the sake of tropes or plots, and thus it can make the mc seem off character a bit. Overall the characters were gem in this story. Last but not least stability of updates, I noticed author took like an 8 month break after publishing 60 or so chapters and then returned to the story. I just hope he publishes the story regularly from now and I will be an avid reader of this story. Please keep on updating author-san, I will be looking forward to more of your story.

Dabombd1g1t1
Dabombd1g1t1Lv1

The short: It’s okay. Not the best, but still readable. Main downside is the MC. Though, the story progression is interesting enough. The Long: (its very long) Writing Quality - 4/5 - Its not bad. Honestly, it gets the job done. A bit repetitive at times, though. There were some mistakes, but not overly jarring. (I recommend trying not to start sentences with “I [action]…” over and over again. You obviously don’t do it everywhere, but it happens enough that it becomes noticeable.) Updating Stability - 5/5 - Good. No problems. (Honestly, I’m very impressed how you churn these out so fast.) Story Development - 3/5 - This was a bit on the fence for me. I enjoyed the beginning very much, and it sets the MC’s personality nicely. However, it kinda falls off after that. Maybe it’s just the slice-of-life aspects, or maybe its the way things are presented, but it just feels boring. Like someone else stated before, it’s very cliché. And not the good kind of cliché, but something that feels pretty emotionless with the MC leading us. (Not sure what to recommend here, though. Character interactions are the bread and butter of any work, and I’d say they’re done okay in here.) Character Design - 3/5 - Pretty much held up by Kitagawa. Did a pretty good job on her, and I appreciate that as well as the others. The total is brought down by the MC. He’s… not horrible, but not great either. You have shown why his personality is like it is (which again, I really like the intro), but he just feels bland. He seems like the cookie cutter of every ‘weary hero’ archetype, which isn’t bad by itself, but he just acts too much like a husk for my taste. If he’s at that point, it probably would have made more sense for him to be a shut-in or have little to no reason to interact with anybody. (I think I can tell what you’re trying to do with the MC, and I am a sucker for some tropes, but the execution is a little off.) World Background - 4/5 - It feels like a bunch of things just jammed together, but it works for the fic. Some things are just there and you gotta accept them. The author is doing a fairly good job at splitting up setting and character interactions, though. (Nothing much to say. Plus this is getting a bit long…)

Related Stories