Review Detail of X_1995 in DxD: MOB reincarnation
Review detail
self review.........................................................................................................................................
DxD: MOB reincarnation
X_1995
Liked by 3 people
LIKEReplies12
not really a cultivation one. You can say that is one of the power systems. I just put it because they asked me.
jeanpierregerardo:when I saw "cultivation" label I was quick to give up xD.
X_1995:not really a cultivation one. You can say that is one of the power systems. I just put it because they asked me.image
Godfather_:When i saw your own critique of your fic it made me want to give up on reading it. Boss up bruh.
you've got a good story idea here. but it's being bog down by two things. the first is bad grammar. it may not be bad enough that it's unreadable but it's bad enough that it hurts the immersion for the reader. the second part is phrasing as a lot of the story could easily be rephrased to make it more dramatic. as a lot of the time when I'm reading this the way you describe scenes or when characters interact with each other that should be very dramatic sometimes comes off as like you're describing the weather. why am I bothering to tell you all this. because a lot of this is a very easy fix and i feel that if you went the extra mile to fix your grammar and try to be more dramatic with your phasing your fanfic could be great. but right now as it sits it's like a 2 out of five honestly. when it could be a four out of five if these things were worked on. I feel like this Simpson clip best illustrates how bad the grammar gets.
X_1995:not really a cultivation one. You can say that is one of the power systems. I just put it because they asked me.image
It's not something I can correct in the short term. After all is my third language. Will try to improve it, but don't expect miracles.
funmaxwell:you've got a good story idea here. but it's being bog down by two things. the first is bad grammar. it may not be bad enough that it's unreadable but it's bad enough that it hurts the immersion for the reader. the second part is phrasing as a lot of the story could easily be rephrased to make it more dramatic. as a lot of the time when I'm reading this the way you describe scenes or when characters interact with each other that should be very dramatic sometimes comes off as like you're describing the weather. why am I bothering to tell you all this. because a lot of this is a very easy fix and i feel that if you went the extra mile to fix your grammar and try to be more dramatic with your phasing your fanfic could be great. but right now as it sits it's like a 2 out of five honestly. when it could be a four out of five if these things were worked on. I feel like this Simpson clip best illustrates how bad the grammar gets.image
I don't know if you've noticed. but I've been pointing out grammar mistakes. as I read your fanfic. like for example the blood in my hands comment. is actually supposed to be blood on my hands. I've noticed a somewhat consistent mistake that you seem to make is confuse the meaning between the words ( in) and (on).
X_1995:It's not something I can correct in the short term. After all is my third language. Will try to improve it, but don't expect miracles.
do you have any friends or associates that can maybe help you proofread before you post. also you're doing pretty good if this is your third language.
X_1995:It's not something I can correct in the short term. After all is my third language. Will try to improve it, but don't expect miracles.
funmaxwell:do you have any friends or associates that can maybe help you proofread before you post. also you're doing pretty good if this is your third language.image
