Review Detail of Synthesia in Fate: Dead Man's Lament [Undergoing Rewrite]
Review detail
It's not a good story. The premise is good but the plot is not. The main character is absolutely awful. He has so many problems and so many conflicting character traits it's quite obvious the author has no idea what he wants with the MC. I made it to chapter 26. The fact he can't fathom being attacked by an organization while actively aiding their enemies is ridiculous. He then strong arms the org he was aiding into helping him get revenge, or the "Deal is off." Despite the fact that there is a Geas and he would have to suffer a severe penalty that he doesn't have the resources to give. As you can probably tell, this incident really bothered me, but its simply the final straw and a series of decisions and plot holes that make absolutely no sense.
Fate: Dead Man's Lament [Undergoing Rewrite]
Huntsman
Liked by 28 people
LIKEReplies5
The supposedly conflicting character traits have not been mentioned, so I'll not touch on that. As for the Martial Arts Arc, Leonis never strong-armed anyone, he was telling Sasaki he would attack Ragnarok with or without their help and Kiyoshi, taking advantage of that decides to help him. Sure, maybe he was prickly about it, but that isn't strong-arming and anyone would be angry if someone they care about is suddenly attacked. Secondly, the Deal between Kiyoshi and Leonis was supposed to be their own thing, it's not something made available to the public and the only people who should know this are the higher-ups of Kiyoshi. He isn't surprised an organization would attack him and his for aiding their foes, he's surprised they know about him at all.
It has become clear to me that you didn't read things through or simply skim it. Leonis never forced Kiyoshi to help him take revenge, his exact words were: "Give me their location or the deal is off" Which again, you've taken out of context. It's mere minutes after he saved Rin from dying from Mana-Overdose. It's words said in a moment of anger, and you describe it as if he has spent days agonizing over the matter before choosing to force Ragnarok's locations out of Sasaki. Sasaki simply took advantage of that to have a Magus actively helping them in the War, which you wouldn't know since the story is told in Leonis' perspective. As for characterization, since I'm pretty sure that's why you decided to give my story such a low score, Leonis is not an emotionless killing machine. He doesn't have Gamer's Mind to help him rationalize. He's just a normal dude and while he does try to make smart and rational decisions, he's prone to outbursts and anger. Calmness is something he's supposed to learn in later Arcs, which you have neglected to read and it's fine, you read to Ep 21 and you didn't like it, but I just want to explain why he did what he did. And I actually do have a plan for how he's supposed to grow as a character, unfortunately the earlier Arcs are dedicated for his growth in power first. Again, Character. Development.
literally everyone's excuse for a weak character "he's just a normal average dude my man stop hating"
Huntsman:It has become clear to me that you didn't read things through or simply skim it. Leonis never forced Kiyoshi to help him take revenge, his exact words were: "Give me their location or the deal is off" Which again, you've taken out of context. It's mere minutes after he saved Rin from dying from Mana-Overdose. It's words said in a moment of anger, and you describe it as if he has spent days agonizing over the matter before choosing to force Ragnarok's locations out of Sasaki. Sasaki simply took advantage of that to have a Magus actively helping them in the War, which you wouldn't know since the story is told in Leonis' perspective. As for characterization, since I'm pretty sure that's why you decided to give my story such a low score, Leonis is not an emotionless killing machine. He doesn't have Gamer's Mind to help him rationalize. He's just a normal dude and while he does try to make smart and rational decisions, he's prone to outbursts and anger. Calmness is something he's supposed to learn in later Arcs, which you have neglected to read and it's fine, you read to Ep 21 and you didn't like it, but I just want to explain why he did what he did. And I actually do have a plan for how he's supposed to grow as a character, unfortunately the earlier Arcs are dedicated for his growth in power first. Again, Character. Development.
