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The_Jeffinator
The_JeffinatorLv41yr
2024-04-19 09:18

you need to work on your dialogue and plot in general. this just reads: generic edgelord protagonist has no morals or personal boundaries and oh yeah every character is flatter than a cutting board personality wise because author can't be bothered to actually write THEM instead of just what they do. Mc befriends Hermione by manipulating her emotions ffs. what do we even know about the mc or his mother? what real interactions has he had? all you've done is write what happens, not how your character actually reacts or interacts with the world. no substance.

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