I will start with the good then the bad. ------------ Good: A very entertaining read. I enjoyed the story all the way. I would recommend anyone thinking of reading this to give it a try. I won't go too much into why it's good, just read other reviews for that. --------------- Bad: There are mainly 4 problems with this story: 1- Author had no vision for how the story would turn out and the process, only the concept/premise at the start was deliberate. This style of going impromptu and seeing where this goes without setting any short term goals nor long term goals for the story just makes it hollow. Author is following the whims of readers, If readers wanted skill he'll give skill. Problem here is that this causes plot holes and author has to add author notes to explain them and then along the chapters more plot holes appear and author again gives plausible explanations and we fall into a rabbit hole. Events or things that happened in past chapters aren't properly remembered in future chapters by auther. In future chapters when it's mentioned that this event happened, if you go back to that event then you find that it's wrong. Author didn't remember it right, so these future chapters will be built on a false memory. 2- Author thoughts and pauses to story throughout chapters. You can tell author is new to writing since author has to explain in brackets why things happen and gives info dumps regularly, author didn't set the rules of the world beforehand, so he comes up with plausible explanations for world rules or events as the story goes. Honestly it just takes me out of the immersion in the story. 3- Characters have bad character design. Only Lia and Riya stayed true to their design, but others not so. How? At the start, every character is shown with his personality clear, an arrogant guy, a narcissist guy, an emotionless guy, a sadistic guy, and so on. The problem comes when we progress in the story, without any gradual changes, they suddenly display weird characteristics and everyone acts as if they were like that from the start. and don't tell me that's love working its magic. Love influences but doesn't change the core personality of someone. especially when that love was there long before the changes, for example, A sadistic guy that's used to being at the top of the world with everyone respecting him like the king that didn't talk much suddenly is a meathead and acts like a puppy and doesn't mind others not respecting him, If it's gradual then I'd understand, but it happened in one chapter. Same goes for Liam, he was the quiet type and smart and calculating, but then suddenly he teases and says stuff only friends of years would say. It just feels author is making them all turn out to be that silly friend group with no prior indication, these changes happen suddenly. No character development. just some lines explain that, like "you've already told me that more than 50 times in our last few hangouts", the process of a character changing is important, but we don't get to see that. 4- Author forgot the purpose of this story, we rarely see MC as extra and the protagonist is left unlucky and forgotten. Now MC is a bonafide Protagonist, he's the center of the world, I don't mind that, but what I do mind is breaking the premise that the original protagonist has the heavens luck by his side but is trash, he's now rarely seen and when seen he's got nothing, no harem and no power. don't say MC stole his powers, protagonist has exp based system where he can power up without other cheats. 5- Author feels to me like a weeb that lived watching anime and is writing based on his knowledge from anime, so myth, facts, historical events, character traits and personalities are built upon the cliche from anime. Same is happening here, it feels like characters are based on fictional friend groups (like avengers) they joke around mid fight and are childish while they are mid fight, this only happens in anime or marvel movies to add comedy with light hearted banter. Romance just just feels skewed, all the relationships I see here are built on banter. Guy teases girl, girl gets mad but blush. While it's sweet and wholesome reading the scenes, it gets tiring when all relationships here are built on banter.
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I think all allegations are right, aside from the one where you said that the characters changed, well of course they changed in personality, they used to be villain but got redeemed by Rio's indirect influence, their personality changes due to love because that's how strong the power of love is depicted in the novel. one more thing, how is your insight on the novel is so accurate, are you in my mind bro!? You even figured out that I had no vision at the start of the novel... the reason for it is because I Was writing the story just for fun and was a total newbie, but things have improved overtime I think.
Haha, I admit I went overboard about the characters changing, I just thought it was too fast of a change from a reader pov, while for them, they experienced the changes. So I just wanted more interactions of them in the process of changing. example: arrogant sadistic guy not caring about anyone except fiance > same guy but shows positive emotions and care > same guy now acting on his emotions and getting closer to others > same guy but now he's a meathead and puppy You skipped the middle parts of the changes. Anyway, I really enjoyed your novel, despite being new to writing, you honestly just captured what people want to see in a story. You have all the elements to making a great story here. You improved overtime and the story got better. Now you could just get better at world building and you'd be one of the top authors.
thanks a lot
