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Mc is Snvillus (snape)... the story is bored. [img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=faceslap]

It very stiff and hard to read but has a very good plot. This is from someone who also has a hard time writing a smoothly and not stiffly right It out the read out loud to see how it sounds then rewrite so it sout natural.

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the author of this novel is a kid that I am sure no offence kid pretty good for your first write but try to get someone to proofread it first that's the only thing missing and excess misleading points are there too which doesn't make sense so need to fix that too so al the best and keep on writing

the writing quality ia not very good. im not talking about grammar errors but if you read some chapters you can see the conversation to be very awkward and mechanical! Plus i think the characters are unrealistic especially at chapter 12 the way the girls react is like you should wait from someone much older.

man great fanfic and hope u won't drop it midway .............................................................................................

I genuinely thought it would be boring but, I must say, I was surprised. It was interesting story and quite good at that. Good Job. [img=coins]

at first i was very amused to the story due to snape being the lead plus lily but then everything is in crumbles due alot of mix up like naruto characters , ninja