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Karma_T3000
Karma_T3000Lv12yr
2023-01-19 15:39

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I_Mstrbte_to_Hntai
I_Mstrbte_to_HntaiLv2

Here's some constructive criticism, and just criticism too, it's not supposed to make you fell good, it's supposed to make you better. Grammar obviously most definitely needs improvement, character interactions are stiff and robotic or overactive and uncharacteristic, basically both points of an npc. But being honest with you it's much better than some noob authors, your on the right track as long as you improve. For the grammar you can shorten the characters or sentences, for an example, a rookie mistake all authors make is 'we are' which can be changed into we're, and 'I am' which can be changed into I'm, Without this the dialogue feels really stiff and awkward, and you should only use 'I am' in most circumstances when the speaking character has a title in front of his name, else it would feel awkward. Character development and character interactions are wack, to say it politely, the characters are all over the place doing weird, stupid, and unintelligent actions, and extremely emotional and reactive dialogues, which is also cringey, annoying, and straight out of a cultivation novels where everybody is emotionally unstable and mentally unwell, an example would be Sanji when he attacked mc because of love (out of nowhere, this attack made no sense for his character), mc when he proceeded to cut off Sanji's arm, etc... On the talk of mc let's get right on that! He has no goals, has no thinking process, his actions are erratic, his character writing is lazy and all over the place. The Mc seems like a ruthless arrogant nothing, hes like air, hes more of an npc than an actual character. If I had one word- no, two words to describe the mc, it would be awkward and cringey. Also still on the topic of mc, the power scaling makes no sense, because of laziness. You cant really invest in a character when there is no character. The plot, story, and world background, there is none, and any marks of interest is squashed because of my points above, the plot and story is deeply involved with the characters, and again if the characters are air, there is no story. Plus, author you didnt really have a story in the first place, there is the plot (albeit, a plot that is uh... I think you can figure it out), but there isnt a story, if there is it's just unfathomable, and not in a good way.

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KakuzuTL Β· Anime & Comics
4.8
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