webnovel
iTosu
iTosuLv43yr
2021-11-22 10:21

As an avid fan of the Nasuverse as a whole I'm a sucker for any story that has elements from it and does a good job implementing those elements in a new setting. This novel definately ticks off those boxes and so far has done a good job of keeping my interest! I will definately stick around to see what kind of a journey the author decides to take us on. :)

Liked by 3 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
I_Mstrbte_to_Hntai
I_Mstrbte_to_HntaiLv2

Here's some constructive criticism, and just criticism too, it's not supposed to make you fell good, it's supposed to make you better. Grammar obviously most definitely needs improvement, character interactions are stiff and robotic or overactive and uncharacteristic, basically both points of an npc. But being honest with you it's much better than some noob authors, your on the right track as long as you improve. For the grammar you can shorten the characters or sentences, for an example, a rookie mistake all authors make is 'we are' which can be changed into we're, and 'I am' which can be changed into I'm, Without this the dialogue feels really stiff and awkward, and you should only use 'I am' in most circumstances when the speaking character has a title in front of his name, else it would feel awkward. Character development and character interactions are wack, to say it politely, the characters are all over the place doing weird, stupid, and unintelligent actions, and extremely emotional and reactive dialogues, which is also cringey, annoying, and straight out of a cultivation novels where everybody is emotionally unstable and mentally unwell, an example would be Sanji when he attacked mc because of love (out of nowhere, this attack made no sense for his character), mc when he proceeded to cut off Sanji's arm, etc... On the talk of mc let's get right on that! He has no goals, has no thinking process, his actions are erratic, his character writing is lazy and all over the place. The Mc seems like a ruthless arrogant nothing, hes like air, hes more of an npc than an actual character. If I had one word- no, two words to describe the mc, it would be awkward and cringey. Also still on the topic of mc, the power scaling makes no sense, because of laziness. You cant really invest in a character when there is no character. The plot, story, and world background, there is none, and any marks of interest is squashed because of my points above, the plot and story is deeply involved with the characters, and again if the characters are air, there is no story. Plus, author you didnt really have a story in the first place, there is the plot (albeit, a plot that is uh... I think you can figure it out), but there isnt a story, if there is it's just unfathomable, and not in a good way.

Related Stories

Endless Path : Infinite Cosmos

Vahn was an atypical youth. Due to a rare mutation, his blood had the potential to target and attack ailments within the human body. Touted as a universal cure, people had elevated his status above the norm and given him the classification "Panacea". In the media, he was hailed as a great hero who would usher in a new era or human wellness. However, behind the scenes things weren't so bright. Being a unique individual, Vahn spent his entire youth locked up in a lab with various scientists and research teams using his body and blood to perform endless amounts of experiments. The only solace in his suffering was the various anime and manga made available to him between experiments. He often imagined himself as the protagonist in a world of his own, finally in control of his own destiny. For years he nurtured this desire, until at the age of 14 he died when an organization had tried to kidnap him from the lab... "Finally, I don't have to suffer anymore..." This was Vahn's last thought as he faded into the endless black abyss... "You poor soul." Author's Note: If you would like to support the author and the team behind EPIC and future projects, feel free to check out libraryofakasha.com. There, you can find extra chapters and several other novels posted by myself and a few people from Discord. Cover by Sinlaire, Edited by Frozen: https://www.deviantart.com/sinlaire https://discord.gg/Jwa8PKh New Patreon~! https://www.patreon.com/user?u=14397149 This is a work of fiction that draws heavily upon the original source material of Danmachi. Please support the official release and know I claim no ownership or credit regarding the existence of pre-existing characters or content.

Einlion · Anime & Comics
4.8
2365 Chs

One Piece - I Am A Different Luffy!

He is Monkey D. Luffy, but not the original Monkey D. Luffy, because in this world, that one is Lucy, his blood sister, while he had a peaceful childhood with his other three brothers. They all ended up following different paths since he didn’t have his memories. It was only when he entered a barrel lost at sea to save himself that he finally began to regain all the knowledge he had of this world from his past life. On top of that, he realized he could use this knowledge to his advantage to acquire everything he needed on his adventure. He was given four chances to summon people to start his journey, and more importantly, he finally received his two devil fruits, becoming powerful from the very beginning, with a plan that stretched to the end of his adventure. This story is the adventure of a man called Monkey D. Luffy, with the goal of becoming the emperor of all the seas in the world. For that, he will find the One Piece and destroy the World Government, for they cannot coexist. Be it the Marines, government agents, CP units, Tenryuubito, Holy Knights, Gorosei, or Im, Luffy will walk over a mountain of corpses. “I want you in my crew. Together, we will change the whole world and turn it upside down.” “Hahaha. Don’t worry, I believe in your potential, that's why I want you in my crew.” “My swordsman already fought you and lost. Now let’s see the strength of the world’s greatest swordsman too, right, Yamato? I hope you don’t mind fighting two rookies at once...?” “Awaken... Awaken my power... and destroy all your enemies...” “It’s good to see you after so long, Grandpa... and you, sister.” “Monkey D.? The most dangerous family in the world!” “Isn’t it a beautiful scene? Two Shichibukai and a Vice Admiral as my trophies! Come on, take a good picture and put it on tomorrow’s newspaper cover!” “I declare this kingdom my territory!” “Enel, you’re nothing but an idiot with a god complex. If you’re a god... then I’m a god slayer.” “As you said, Teach, people’s dreams never end! And if people’s dreams never end, why should I stop?” “Doflamingo... Jake... you’re so far from home. I hope you don’t regret this.” "You narcissistic woman, how can someone be so annoying and arrogant?" "What did you say, you damned man?!" "I now declare you husband and wife." "It's time to return to the Blue Sea, after all, we have a world to shake." "CP9? What a disappointment, Sengoku. I want money for them and Doflamingo... I want 2 billion berries at Enies Lobby in a few days." "Enies Lobby was completely destroyed...?" "I've fought Mihawk, Jimbei, Crocodile, Doflamingo, Hancock, and Moria... you're the only one left, Kuma..." "It seems we've finally met, Rayleigh..." "Let's invade Impel Down!" "I came here to find you, sister, it's time for you to join my crew... Joygirl..." "It looks like we've finally arrived at the war." "Sengoku... you tried to arm yourself to execute my brother, so I'll make an example of this Tenryuubito for the whole world." "You can't do this...!" *BANG!* "He actually did it, that bastard...." "Your chains are loose, move your ass and get out of Marineford!!" "Saturn!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!" "I couldn't kill you last time, Akainu... but I'll make sure to do it now." "Destroy the rest of Marineford." "Let's get out of here. When you return, you'll take over this country for your family, Rebecca." "No matter if we're on opposite sides... I will always love you, grandpa." "It's time to start our training." "Let's begin. Now, let's head to the New World, capture territories, and grow our fleet." "Is the entire Straw Hat fleet ready? Now let's head to Wano, after all, we have a war against two Yonkou!" -------------------------------------------- This Fanfic's Schedule for the week, updates on: Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. ----------------------------------------------

RaccoonLeague · Anime & Comics
4.8
439 Chs