Review Detail of Lightscribe in I Hate Systems
Review detail
Tbf this could have been decent, because the idea of being an enemy of all the op system users sounds interesting. Unfortunately, it kinda flopped on landing. Or it raised my expectation too high from the idea so it inevitably ended up disappointing.
I Hate Systems
Overlord_Venus
Liked by 52 people
LIKEReplies10
Personally I quite like the parts where he reflects on himself, great authors make time for those moments and while your novel started of way to info dump heavy it getting better for each chapter, Ps I love the world building
Overlord_Venus:Hahahaha, man, I don't know what to say here. What you said here is exactly how I envisioned it. Compass isn't a good character. When the System brought him benefits, he happily accepted it. And when things went south, he raged on it, as simple as that. It is because he's a MC that relies on a System, just like every other MC that has a System. And now, the prime reason he hates it isn't because it betrayed him. Sure, that exists, but the main reason he hates the System is because it went to plot using his daughter next. And, I am not hurt by your review nor am I ever gonna delete it. Your reaction is exactly why I wrote it as is, because I wanted to bring out such a reaction as yours in other readers, since everyone takes a System to be granted. But, how will they react once the System no longer 'Gives' them stuff. That's what I had in mind when making this. So, even if you are put off by the start, read till chapter 28, titled, "I'm Even Worse", and you'll understand that he's just being a hypocrite, and his reason for hating Systems is just so that he can hunt them without feeling guilty, kinda like a self-imposed psychological barrier to obtain the power he needs to save his daughter.
Honestly, I dunno if I wanna say it because it probably won't help you much. But since you asked, I'll tell you what I remember. It's also my sincere request, at this point, to not delete the review, because now I'll be spending a lot of time giving you feedback (on your request). Right from the beginning, the character of Compass (which I understand is there for development) immediately puts me off. When it brings him benefits, he loves the system, he does not have a problem with it, nor the concept of it. It's only when he's BÙRNED that he changes this view. Him going after others and hating every system from then will just leave you a feeling of 'sour grapes', if you know what I mean. It's like that girl who used to be a cute kid and loved being praised, but turned out not as cute as she grew older and now hates on anyone and everyone who so much as mentions 'external beauty' around her. "The real beauty is within! You're so shallòw! The world is full of móróns!" But you know, if she had turned out a little prettier, she would have basked in that attention. She would have never called the people who praised her 'shallòw', and instead would have been dìsdainful of anyone who was jealòus. That, is called being a 'sour grape'. Now, you can justify his later actions by saying that 'But systems in this world consume the hosts! They're EVIL', which is true, but it does not negate the 'feeling' I mentioned earlier. It's the same as no matter what justification the author of 'Abandoned Empress' gives, it will never make the FL's decision to end up the same in her second life any better. It's a shallow, empty feeling. If you wish, I can elaborate further, but I think you get the point. I'm NOT saying your story súcks. I'm just saying that the title and summary gave me an expectation that did not match with the contents, creating a bad experience. If I were to forget the title and the summary, and read just the story itself independently, then I would have something entirely different to say about it. On its own, the story is decent. On its own, the title is amazing. On its own, the summary works. But remember, on their own both olive oil and almonds are good for you, but take them both together and you'll know something is wrong.
Overlord_Venus:Which parts made you think that way?
Hahahaha, man, I don't know what to say here. What you said here is exactly how I envisioned it. Compass isn't a good character. When the System brought him benefits, he happily accepted it. And when things went south, he raged on it, as simple as that. It is because he's a MC that relies on a System, just like every other MC that has a System. And now, the prime reason he hates it isn't because it betrayed him. Sure, that exists, but the main reason he hates the System is because it went to plot using his daughter next. And, I am not hurt by your review nor am I ever gonna delete it. Your reaction is exactly why I wrote it as is, because I wanted to bring out such a reaction as yours in other readers, since everyone takes a System to be granted. But, how will they react once the System no longer 'Gives' them stuff. That's what I had in mind when making this. So, even if you are put off by the start, read till chapter 28, titled, "I'm Even Worse", and you'll understand that he's just being a hypocrite, and his reason for hating Systems is just so that he can hunt them without feeling guilty, kinda like a self-imposed psychological barrier to obtain the power he needs to save his daughter.
Lightscribe:Honestly, I dunno if I wanna say it because it probably won't help you much. But since you asked, I'll tell you what I remember. It's also my sincere request, at this point, to not delete the review, because now I'll be spending a lot of time giving you feedback (on your request). Right from the beginning, the character of Compass (which I understand is there for development) immediately puts me off. When it brings him benefits, he loves the system, he does not have a problem with it, nor the concept of it. It's only when he's BÙRNED that he changes this view. Him going after others and hating every system from then will just leave you a feeling of 'sour grapes', if you know what I mean. It's like that girl who used to be a cute kid and loved being praised, but turned out not as cute as she grew older and now hates on anyone and everyone who so much as mentions 'external beauty' around her. "The real beauty is within! You're so shallòw! The world is full of móróns!" But you know, if she had turned out a little prettier, she would have basked in that attention. She would have never called the people who praised her 'shallòw', and instead would have been dìsdainful of anyone who was jealòus. That, is called being a 'sour grape'. Now, you can justify his later actions by saying that 'But systems in this world consume the hosts! They're EVIL', which is true, but it does not negate the 'feeling' I mentioned earlier. It's the same as no matter what justification the author of 'Abandoned Empress' gives, it will never make the FL's decision to end up the same in her second life any better. It's a shallow, empty feeling. If you wish, I can elaborate further, but I think you get the point. I'm NOT saying your story súcks. I'm just saying that the title and summary gave me an expectation that did not match with the contents, creating a bad experience. If I were to forget the title and the summary, and read just the story itself independently, then I would have something entirely different to say about it. On its own, the story is decent. On its own, the title is amazing. On its own, the summary works. But remember, on their own both olive oil and almonds are good for you, but take them both together and you'll know something is wrong.
Lightscribe:Honestly, I dunno if I wanna say it because it probably won't help you much. But since you asked, I'll tell you what I remember. It's also my sincere request, at this point, to not delete the review, because now I'll be spending a lot of time giving you feedback (on your request). Right from the beginning, the character of Compass (which I understand is there for development) immediately puts me off. When it brings him benefits, he loves the system, he does not have a problem with it, nor the concept of it. It's only when he's BÙRNED that he changes this view. Him going after others and hating every system from then will just leave you a feeling of 'sour grapes', if you know what I mean. It's like that girl who used to be a cute kid and loved being praised, but turned out not as cute as she grew older and now hates on anyone and everyone who so much as mentions 'external beauty' around her. "The real beauty is within! You're so shallòw! The world is full of móróns!" But you know, if she had turned out a little prettier, she would have basked in that attention. She would have never called the people who praised her 'shallòw', and instead would have been dìsdainful of anyone who was jealòus. That, is called being a 'sour grape'. Now, you can justify his later actions by saying that 'But systems in this world consume the hosts! They're EVIL', which is true, but it does not negate the 'feeling' I mentioned earlier. It's the same as no matter what justification the author of 'Abandoned Empress' gives, it will never make the FL's decision to end up the same in her second life any better. It's a shallow, empty feeling. If you wish, I can elaborate further, but I think you get the point. I'm NOT saying your story súcks. I'm just saying that the title and summary gave me an expectation that did not match with the contents, creating a bad experience. If I were to forget the title and the summary, and read just the story itself independently, then I would have something entirely different to say about it. On its own, the story is decent. On its own, the title is amazing. On its own, the summary works. But remember, on their own both olive oil and almonds are good for you, but take them both together and you'll know something is wrong.
well Congratz thats how humans work my guy if they have it they dnt wanna give it up but as soon as they lose it everyone else is at fault. trust me it works that way
Lightscribe:Honestly, I dunno if I wanna say it because it probably won't help you much. But since you asked, I'll tell you what I remember. It's also my sincere request, at this point, to not delete the review, because now I'll be spending a lot of time giving you feedback (on your request). Right from the beginning, the character of Compass (which I understand is there for development) immediately puts me off. When it brings him benefits, he loves the system, he does not have a problem with it, nor the concept of it. It's only when he's BÙRNED that he changes this view. Him going after others and hating every system from then will just leave you a feeling of 'sour grapes', if you know what I mean. It's like that girl who used to be a cute kid and loved being praised, but turned out not as cute as she grew older and now hates on anyone and everyone who so much as mentions 'external beauty' around her. "The real beauty is within! You're so shallòw! The world is full of móróns!" But you know, if she had turned out a little prettier, she would have basked in that attention. She would have never called the people who praised her 'shallòw', and instead would have been dìsdainful of anyone who was jealòus. That, is called being a 'sour grape'. Now, you can justify his later actions by saying that 'But systems in this world consume the hosts! They're EVIL', which is true, but it does not negate the 'feeling' I mentioned earlier. It's the same as no matter what justification the author of 'Abandoned Empress' gives, it will never make the FL's decision to end up the same in her second life any better. It's a shallow, empty feeling. If you wish, I can elaborate further, but I think you get the point. I'm NOT saying your story súcks. I'm just saying that the title and summary gave me an expectation that did not match with the contents, creating a bad experience. If I were to forget the title and the summary, and read just the story itself independently, then I would have something entirely different to say about it. On its own, the story is decent. On its own, the title is amazing. On its own, the summary works. But remember, on their own both olive oil and almonds are good for you, but take them both together and you'll know something is wrong.
Thanks bro for such a review,now I know what to expect....I read review before story just to get an idea and your review is awesome
Overlord_Venus:Hahahaha, man, I don't know what to say here. What you said here is exactly how I envisioned it. Compass isn't a good character. When the System brought him benefits, he happily accepted it. And when things went south, he raged on it, as simple as that. It is because he's a MC that relies on a System, just like every other MC that has a System. And now, the prime reason he hates it isn't because it betrayed him. Sure, that exists, but the main reason he hates the System is because it went to plot using his daughter next. And, I am not hurt by your review nor am I ever gonna delete it. Your reaction is exactly why I wrote it as is, because I wanted to bring out such a reaction as yours in other readers, since everyone takes a System to be granted. But, how will they react once the System no longer 'Gives' them stuff. That's what I had in mind when making this. So, even if you are put off by the start, read till chapter 28, titled, "I'm Even Worse", and you'll understand that he's just being a hypocrite, and his reason for hating Systems is just so that he can hunt them without feeling guilty, kinda like a self-imposed psychological barrier to obtain the power he needs to save his daughter.
I didn't read the novel, just the reviews l. i wanted to point out that the analogy for the sour grape would not apply if the systems are "traitors". aka it's perfectly normal to enjoy benefits and perfectly normal to resent if those benefits were from entities that have malicious intent. it's like someone being head over heels for his/her lover who then would hate them after realizing they were played with/betrayed/cheated on and that everything was a farce to orchestrate their downfall. another analogy would be a commander liking competent subordinates who would turn 180 if they realize their subordinates were enemy spies. basically it's the difference between allies and enemies and from what you are describing, the mc realized that the systems were enemies in the long run who are just throwing candies to innocent lambs in order to further their agenda.
Lightscribe:Honestly, I dunno if I wanna say it because it probably won't help you much. But since you asked, I'll tell you what I remember. It's also my sincere request, at this point, to not delete the review, because now I'll be spending a lot of time giving you feedback (on your request). Right from the beginning, the character of Compass (which I understand is there for development) immediately puts me off. When it brings him benefits, he loves the system, he does not have a problem with it, nor the concept of it. It's only when he's BÙRNED that he changes this view. Him going after others and hating every system from then will just leave you a feeling of 'sour grapes', if you know what I mean. It's like that girl who used to be a cute kid and loved being praised, but turned out not as cute as she grew older and now hates on anyone and everyone who so much as mentions 'external beauty' around her. "The real beauty is within! You're so shallòw! The world is full of móróns!" But you know, if she had turned out a little prettier, she would have basked in that attention. She would have never called the people who praised her 'shallòw', and instead would have been dìsdainful of anyone who was jealòus. That, is called being a 'sour grape'. Now, you can justify his later actions by saying that 'But systems in this world consume the hosts! They're EVIL', which is true, but it does not negate the 'feeling' I mentioned earlier. It's the same as no matter what justification the author of 'Abandoned Empress' gives, it will never make the FL's decision to end up the same in her second life any better. It's a shallow, empty feeling. If you wish, I can elaborate further, but I think you get the point. I'm NOT saying your story súcks. I'm just saying that the title and summary gave me an expectation that did not match with the contents, creating a bad experience. If I were to forget the title and the summary, and read just the story itself independently, then I would have something entirely different to say about it. On its own, the story is decent. On its own, the title is amazing. On its own, the summary works. But remember, on their own both olive oil and almonds are good for you, but take them both together and you'll know something is wrong.
Also I notice some review mention about your character naming problem ?, have you hear about 'fantasy name generator' ?, just google it and there are all kind of name theme, you can google like 'Female Protoss name generator, zerg name generator, warcraft orc name generator' or even thing like 'japan city name generator', that would help in the naming part, or you can just think of a certain theme meaning like 'moon lake' city then translate it to Latin, Japan or similar and you got a decent name for that, that all. If you need idea and material in certain topic you can ask me, I will check in my free time, also I bookmark your since it interesting. P/s: If there are a review said that your mc is 'preachy' then either that guy have no idea, or you may need to check to see if it is the case, then you should check post on google like this for tips and solution 'Three Ways of Revising (or Avoiding) Preachy Themes in Your Story'. That all, hope thing gone well
Overlord_Venus:Which parts made you think that way?
Ahh, the ones that comment about the names are just mistaken haha. I deliberately named them that way. Thanks for the suggestion though.
ArashiTenebris:Also I notice some review mention about your character naming problem ?, have you hear about 'fantasy name generator' ?, just google it and there are all kind of name theme, you can google like 'Female Protoss name generator, zerg name generator, warcraft orc name generator' or even thing like 'japan city name generator', that would help in the naming part, or you can just think of a certain theme meaning like 'moon lake' city then translate it to Latin, Japan or similar and you got a decent name for that, that all. If you need idea and material in certain topic you can ask me, I will check in my free time, also I bookmark your since it interesting. P/s: If there are a review said that your mc is 'preachy' then either that guy have no idea, or you may need to check to see if it is the case, then you should check post on google like this for tips and solution 'Three Ways of Revising (or Avoiding) Preachy Themes in Your Story'. That all, hope thing gone well