I really liked the beginning of the story, until chapter 27. I liked the start, because the MC came across as a real human being and the author concentrated more on character development and growth development of the MC than following the MHA storyline and other such stuff. As a fiction of another work, i find that the MC is very important as all the existing characters and background already exists and is already well thought out. This is where I find this novel shines and the reason why so many other fan fictions suck. But I get the impression that at chapter 27, the author just wanted to end the MC's complete growth and rush to get to the adventure/action stuff. Points I did not like and made me stop at chapter 46 even though there are 78 chapters at this point in time: 1. I found his system unique and interesting, until the author added the shop(bad because now the author is pretty much copy pasting features of other work instead of writing his "own memorable" MC's ability/stepping stone/etc. - example: arc reactor from iron man) and made the system sentient with a dislikable character(Sister Melo, who abused the MC with silent treatment, when he wanted to be a hero she did not agree with and when that did not work, went with physical abuse such as giving him diarrhea, etc.) 2. MC is very selfish. He gets from his grandma, All Might, Nighteye, etc. so much help, but he himself never did anything for them in return. By chapter 26, we had the MC thinking of wanting to do something in return for the orphanage, but with the orphanage gone, it always remains at just a though or mere words. Though/words do not equal actions. 3. The way the author wrote the destruction of the orphanage and the death of the others is far too rushed. In fact, aside from the grandma, the death of the others was never showed, only told. With this and the fact that due to the MC being more of a loner, he did not have such a close relation with the others in the orphanage that his reaction after the destruction was just too extreme. 4. The MC's surroundings perceived him as a genius, while as a reader he did not give the impression of a genius(thoughts, behaviour, speech), so whenever he gets the "he is so genius" treatment, it feels like a farce
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Thanks for letting me know, I will keep things in mind. Though I have to say that I did rush some parts I thought I was dragging things a little too much at those points. And about the genius thing... I just wanted to make the MC a genius and I am struggling to show it how. I am new to this and I am trying my best. And once again thank you for ur honest review and for letting me know things that I have to look for and change.
Also about to return something to the orphanage, it will be done in future as u see he can't go full and try to avenge then patrons, he has to wait for things to come up. The shop feature is something overdone, yes, and it is like copy and pasting and that is true, and I will try to make it better. I had a reason for adding the shop function (spoiler-) Its related to Yami no chikara.
No problem. I think this is what a review is supposed to be helpful for. For me, there are a lot of likeable parts in your novel. I think that by further refining the story this story or your future stories could be a real gem.
