Review Detail of Light_Lucifer in My New Life in TBATE
Review detail
Honestly, the story has potential but I stopped it in the middle, why you asked. This might be a fanfic & you are writing for fun. 1. However I don't really get the feeling that I am reading a fanfic of tbate. And people will say I haven't read the whole story yet & plot hasn't started but the canon of the story are completely off. 2. Same as above. I assume, you are mainly trying to create an original world for your next novel & you suck. 3. You have already said that your writing has a problem due to misspelling but it's not that simple. That's also the reason I stopped it. From your latest chapter, I will take an example,(it might not be case in this conversation but it is in other chapter) "take it." moving told him, I handed the sword to arthur as I direct him with a smile. "why?" Arthur was surprised but he still took the sword from my hands. see. how sweet, but it's not the case in story. Author is mainly focused in their actions & other non important paragraph that he sometimes forget who is talking to whom & it is also hard for me to understand. 4.I would have give 5 star to the story as you said you have work & you wrting this for fun but if you can post 3 or 2 chapters in a day, how about wasting 10 minutes of that time to check the errors in the story. That's what I think personally.
My New Life in TBATE
SocioPhobia
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Well, I think I've read everything you said, And I still assume, my review has points but since I can't express everything in a single comment, others couldn't understand my point. Look when I said the fanfic is off, I actually meant the character & world in it. I remember kathyln being cold because of her responsibilities as the future queen since her child age. And you are saying, she became Mc girlfriend(i think) because he saved her. So, if mc wasn't there. Kathyln tata bye bye Btw I have read the whole story now. And I still wanted to talk about other things but since you don't have that much time, I will excuse myself. Also I wanted to recommend you two things, 1. About your problems of mc development & writing, I don't know how much novel you read but I prefer you to read( in some free times) the best japanese novel as you might find your answer there. 2. Mainly why I wrote this comment is because I want to say this, We all are grateful that you can post 14 chps a week but I think you should really reread while posting. Nobody is going to complain if the update is slower while the writing is better than that. Your story is already good for that. Only some skeptical readers like me will complain about story. Obviously, a single author can't provide a story perfer by varities of readers. And you say writing is fun. so, you write. well my fellow, recollecting your own mistakes is refreshful. Ok, last line was ridiculous but seriously this book has a good potential, don't let it sink.
SocioPhobia:I can understand where you’re coming from, but none of this world is being used to ‘build my own novels world’ I don’t know if you have read TBATE but there is almost nothing in terms of world building for it besides specific places. We know Xyrus floats but what else? We know Ashbur is where the Leywins come from and its a small Village, but what else? Is it a farming village? a lumber village? Beast Glades too their is no true description besides its a dense forest like Elshire. All of this was to try to give depth to a story that really doesn’t have it to begin with. TBATE is more focused on reincarnation and relationships between characters and then magic/fighting. which I like, Its one of the reasons i read it. I can’t make you read the book, but that point of yours feels like youre complaining more about the source material more than my FF. As for proofreading, Yes i could take 10 minutes do that, but i just dont want to. i write bits Of the story before work, during lunch break and then if i havent finished it, i will when i get home. After that ive worked from 8am-5pm and might not finish the chapter for the day until 6 or 7, so yes i dont proofread. Also I’ve had people tell me that my FF is too close to canon, and you’re telling me the opposite. I didnt want MC to meet Arthur right away because they need their own things that lead to their growth, but MC does meet him in the recent chapters and more ‘canon’ like things will be happening. Again i can understand your complaints on the world building sucking, as I’ve never tried doing that myself before. And I’ll try to better with that and the dialogue as I’ve openly admitted its also a very weakpoint of mine. I find myself getting annoyed at the amount of time i say ‘he/she nods’, but honestly idk what else to put sometimes lol. So if you’ve read to this point, sorry it was so long. Thank you for reading my story as long as you did, and thanks for the feedback.
I can understand where you’re coming from, but none of this world is being used to ‘build my own novels world’ I don’t know if you have read TBATE but there is almost nothing in terms of world building for it besides specific places. We know Xyrus floats but what else? We know Ashbur is where the Leywins come from and its a small Village, but what else? Is it a farming village? a lumber village? Beast Glades too their is no true description besides its a dense forest like Elshire. All of this was to try to give depth to a story that really doesn’t have it to begin with. TBATE is more focused on reincarnation and relationships between characters and then magic/fighting. which I like, Its one of the reasons i read it. I can’t make you read the book, but that point of yours feels like youre complaining more about the source material more than my FF. As for proofreading, Yes i could take 10 minutes do that, but i just dont want to. i write bits Of the story before work, during lunch break and then if i havent finished it, i will when i get home. After that ive worked from 8am-5pm and might not finish the chapter for the day until 6 or 7, so yes i dont proofread. Also I’ve had people tell me that my FF is too close to canon, and you’re telling me the opposite. I didnt want MC to meet Arthur right away because they need their own things that lead to their growth, but MC does meet him in the recent chapters and more ‘canon’ like things will be happening. Again i can understand your complaints on the world building sucking, as I’ve never tried doing that myself before. And I’ll try to better with that and the dialogue as I’ve openly admitted its also a very weakpoint of mine. I find myself getting annoyed at the amount of time i say ‘he/she nods’, but honestly idk what else to put sometimes lol. So if you’ve read to this point, sorry it was so long. Thank you for reading my story as long as you did, and thanks for the feedback.
Not really much for me to comment on here as i agree with a lot of it. However i do want to clarify the Kathyln thing. The almost assassination is the byproduct of Jaron being their and being the one to walk beside her. Without him there it would have been a guard rather than Jaron. As for her personality, shes still the cold and closed off Princess from the story to other people, just not around Jaron. Another byproduct of MCs influence. Hope this clears that up a little
Light_Lucifer:Well, I think I've read everything you said, And I still assume, my review has points but since I can't express everything in a single comment, others couldn't understand my point. Look when I said the fanfic is off, I actually meant the character & world in it. I remember kathyln being cold because of her responsibilities as the future queen since her child age. And you are saying, she became Mc girlfriend(i think) because he saved her. So, if mc wasn't there. Kathyln tata bye bye Btw I have read the whole story now. And I still wanted to talk about other things but since you don't have that much time, I will excuse myself. Also I wanted to recommend you two things, 1. About your problems of mc development & writing, I don't know how much novel you read but I prefer you to read( in some free times) the best japanese novel as you might find your answer there. 2. Mainly why I wrote this comment is because I want to say this, We all are grateful that you can post 14 chps a week but I think you should really reread while posting. Nobody is going to complain if the update is slower while the writing is better than that. Your story is already good for that. Only some skeptical readers like me will complain about story. Obviously, a single author can't provide a story perfer by varities of readers. And you say writing is fun. so, you write. well my fellow, recollecting your own mistakes is refreshful. Ok, last line was ridiculous but seriously this book has a good potential, don't let it sink.