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kendell_fisher
kendell_fisherLv143yr
2021-11-22 02:13

Would be better if the reader didn’t Have to go tru everyday of a babies life to get some action story has massive Potential But it just doesn’t Deliver on the action very slow story development for now I’m Dropping This until it picks up

Liked by 2 people

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CollinX_BrainZ
CollinX_BrainZAuthor

First of all, thank you for reading, and the fact you stayed this short and enjoyed the journey from how it began. I highly appreciate it, however, I won't say I understand your complaint, but thanks all the same. I hope you come back, cus the fun is just about to start and I wouldn't want you to miss out on it. 🙌

Other Reviews
Unholy_Bird
Unholy_BirdLv13
Nabuco
NabucoLv3
Grifdacier
GrifdacierLv4

Alright, i droped this at chapter 22, why you can ask ? (some spoiler ahead ) Well it's simple and i think i'm not the only one who droped the story before it even really begin : The author made the mc too dumb (probably to make more chacarter developement later) , he doesn't make any rationals choices and is surprised over logical things everybody know. Let me explain : The mc get reincarnated in another world, (so far so good) but he is born as an half demon, then he get a system. The system force him to become a full fledged demon and he is now full of distrust toward the system. For this he decided... to stop drinking milk ?!? And then he is surprised that he will die in 8 days if he don't get sustainance ? Were you a human in your previous life (he was) or what ? And then just after that (really it should be in the same or next chap) he decide to explore the system and use a technique with the not at all ominous name "Demon might mystic technic" or something like that... And that just one example Bruh Another thing : the complete lack of imagination toward names, father = christopher, mother = chrystie... Still this story has some good points : the grammar, a big number of chapters, and an author who still read the comments of it's firsts chapters. If you can ignore the stupidity of the mc in the intial chapters, this should be your fit if you like demons and stuff (there is only so much i can take) But here is my honest advice to the author that i think could improve the story : First and foremost, rewrite the mc in the first chapters, this story has a lot of potential (just look at the comments) but the mc being dumb cost it too much. In the first twenty chaps, i saw the comments dwindle as i read. I dont know if the author has stats to see how many people read his story but i'm sure 50% of his inital readers (first chap) didnt pass the 20 chapters. Second, make more exotic name or least that don't sound the same (if you don't have any idea, use a generator on internet or just ask your community) And third, more descriptions : what i mean by that for example is the mc second pair of eyes : he get them when he become a full demon but where are they ? On his forehead, temples, cheeks ? Also are they pitch black like his normal eyes ? We don't get anymore info other that he growed a pair of eyes. That's all for me, thanks for the story

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