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JManM
JManMLv53yr
2021-11-05 05:01

The author has serious writing chops and vast ambition, but this is very much a case of grand ambition causing the work to become bloated and unfocused. Or perhaps the focus is on bloated indulgence. Either case the story suffers from a fair bit of moralizing and navel gazing from an OP broken protagonist who tries his best to extract every possible ounce of forced tension he can in every possible scenario. Its a study in having your cake and eating it too from a writer with the skills to keep you interested in what would be a dumpster fire coming from 97% of the people on this earth.

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Sue_D_Nymn
Sue_D_NymnAuthor

I'll take it! If there is one thing I tend to do is to get bloated and unfocused. I have a habit of making things bigger than they need to be. Once when I was much younger, I had a class project to memorize a poem. Everyone else chose something reasonable and short, five stanzas or so. Not me. I had to memorize the Raven, all eighteen stanzas. Grand Ambition. Itty-bitty attention span. Now I'm a hundred and thirty thousand words into this project, and I keep finding new ideas and crossover potentials. I'm still having fun with it, so that should keep me going pretty well. Thanks for the review. I'll try to have the MC navel gaze a little less. No promises, though.

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Alexandertheokay
AlexandertheokayLv3
Yuri_is_Ntr
Yuri_is_NtrLv5

I whould keep this simple and easy. There is a huge problem with pacing. Too many characters needs to be introtuced, too many girls needs attention, and too events happened in a small amount of time. When author asked what did you expect from mc, he wasn't in a world for even a week-yes, he wasn't. But maybe he should and that is a problem? 30 chapters we a not even in rizer arc. Shinmai maou in like 5 episods? So when you have so little time and so many characters all others problems comes in naturally. Why mc spending his points in useless stuff and wouldn't even train for a bit with his sword, or buy skills that whould help him improver himself? Especially when you lost so many internal monologues of how grave and serious situation he is? Because mc is not even one week in the world, making him op whould be boring. Even though getting op for toujo basara with boosted gear and skill creation - whould be easy-peasy. But oh well. Why all the changes are so close to original or lackluster? Because there is so many different stories that creating different dynamics are hard. Too many variables need to be adjusted. Why it's feels like old school rpg when all progres in side quests whould be nulled until main quest getting to the next point? Like saya talks about her feelings then just getting forgotten for 10 chapters straight. Same with different girls. Until main heroine wouldn't come they are on hold. You could skip whole chapters without any differences. What is power system, how different factions whould fair against each others? What whould elder brother of rias whould say about they unnoficial contract? Between mc and rias. Could he get in this mess with mc who have a lot of ties with different factions. Iseei was ideal, because he is just a human. Conclusion :the story like a pazzle. Author trying to make it work without knowing a whole picture.

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