Review Detail of PaleKing in Blood Ties: Lastborn of Akatosh (Elder Scrolls / Skyrim / Naruto)
Review detail
Honestly this is a really amazingly good read I loved reading every sentence in this fiction... All the way up until the MC was used as a toy. The main character, From where I am currently reading is being controlled by Minato inside of his mind, Causing him unable to even save his own students and properly defend himself. Not only that infuriating piece of information but throughout the past few chapters the Main character was defenceless, The Dragonborn, A vampirelord, Someone who has been through years of combat can't defend against some poison. It is so mind numbingly annoying that I'm just going to drop this. It was an amazing and really great read but the moment the Main character became a doll for Minato pretty much is when it crossed my line of annoyance.
Blood Ties: Lastborn of Akatosh (Elder Scrolls / Skyrim / Naruto)
PoundPerSquareInch
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A fun fact: My strongest Dovahkin was capable enough to defeat molag bal on a one on one(Vigilant of Stendarr). And was literally maxed out. Pretty much lore wise my Dovahkin is literally a god like entity. And also survived a few other things.
PoundPerSquareInch:I apologize for the late reply. This will be following the mythical or legendary lores about dragonborns (like how the fights between the most powerful DBs in the past could split lands and mountains apart... or something like that). In other words, they will be far powerful than your most powerful game DB. However, I will not be entirely faithful to the lore as I have researched that its either Bethesda writers made some contradictions of their own on some lores and also with the still-missing pages about what is the true meaning of the "Last Dragonborn" and etc... Im still diving the subreddit of the TESlore, FB groups and forums of ES about things I need. But you are welcome to correct me if you found any inconsistencies or world breaking lores I added. I am not knowledgeable in Elder Scrolls lores myself and only used the Great ESWiki Library of Daedric Prince, Mora (while secretly sneaking in Apocrypha hehehe).
Oh thanks for the criticism! And thank you for reading it! Finally! *sniff... I was actually waiting for this kind of review. I cant always see my own flaws in my own writing. That's why I badly needed some 3rd party to let me know of these. Can I ask on what you meant by poison? I don't remember adding some poison against the dragonborn. It was actually a narcotic used on the interrogations and (half spoiler) his vampire lord form is very different from the original vampire lord. So he actually lost some of its passive benefits but also strengthened some of it. (I will not mention the reasons for now) or maybe I missed something about the poison to edit or check? can you tell me which one? And about Minato controlling his mind, it isnt actually. This may be another half spoiler but it isnt that big or major so I will mention it for clarification. Minato knew the personality of Conrad to be very rude and aggressive after hearing it from Durnehviir (undead dragon) and after seeing it himself where Conrad would always impatiently interrupt minato from speaking. Most especially when Conrad immediately tried to beat him up after hearing that Minato chose to be trapped in Soul Cairn/ Belly of the Reaper without even asking why Minato did it. By judging his brother's actions and bad manners in doing things, Minato predicted what he would probably do, So Minato made some rushed "imprint" on his mind where if Conrad will first encounter any Konoha Shinobi or Anbu that he predicted, that will try to capture Conrad, his brother's brain would immediately follow what he imprinted and take control to disallow or reduce any hostile action against them. Yeah, Minato wanted him to be captured in a scenario where any peaceful dialogue is not possible. (This included why he cant summon Durnehviir) Minato also took Konoha's reaction into consideration, predicting also that Sarutobi would be quite interested in capturing and curious on knowing someone that had an exact look of Minato. And the scenario where Conrad would probably land (which is on Earth Country). Yeah, in canon Naruto, Minato is a genius. And Minato only had a limited time to talk to him in Soul Cairn so he rushed this imprintation, this is also why the Elemental Nations language was not imprinted very well as Minato prioritized the restriction of aggressive action of Conrad. And yeah, (maybe) the original author and especially me wanted a non-perfect protagonist where although he is a skilled veteran, his personality and views on things does/will not apply anymore on Elemental Nations. like how his principles in his way of life and how he fights his battle would now be very different on this continent. I wanted to show his flaws by how he absent mindedly left his students to go on a rant/ angry stroll, then how he regret that it was stupid on leaving them alone. By how Conrad always choose not to reveal his goals and objectives and would suffer consequences. And how he severely underestimated the Shinobi of this continent. This will make a good platform later for more character growth for the Protagonist. I dont want him to be a perfect being even if he is already quite... overpowered in terms of the lore. That will be boring for me. But if you have good suggestions or alternatives, please dont hesitate to mention them! Any constructive criticism like yours are highly welcome!
Yeah, I understand. I saw how there were no true reviews so I decided to do a small review about what I liked or disliked since I don't know how to write a proper review... Anyway, When I said poison I meant all of the narcotics that were used on the MC. It could just be me but considering that he has a Dragon soul, Possibly more dragon powers, Vampire powers and years of experience I expected the narcotics to take a little longer to take effect rather than nearly instantly dropping the MC. Also, You should passively mention about him losing some of the Vampire Lord benefits in his thoughts, In my point of view, it appeared as if the MC was nerfed and was suddenly weak to poisons. Next, I know that Minato can't fully control the MCs mind, or even fully control his actions but the fact that the MC took the information that Minato can take control of his actions toward possible enemies as if it is a minor inconvenience. I understand that the MC is plenty OP enough to get out of a violent situation if he needed to but all that's needed is stronger magic draining cuffs and his attacks will decrease quite a bit. The bit where I dropped it is a short bit after Inoichi left his Mind-scape, So I know a small bit about the current circumstances but in my opinion, having a senbon with poison to the neck wouldn't fully stop his control of shouts, Having him only being able to use weaker shouts would make more sense rather than fully stopping his shouts all together. Honestly, The only thing I am actually annoyed at is the fact that The Dragonborn, Someone who has been through countless dungeons, Fought dragons, has a literal dragon soul and can slightly manipulate reality with shouts was stopped by poison. I can understand other stuff like how Shinobi are more coordinated but having The Dragonborn taken down as easily as that is slightly annoying since he would have already had plenty of experience, More than most of the shinobi that captured him too. Also, The fact that the MC stopped being cautious because he could sense no killer intent towards him or his students is weird. He would be no stranger to betrayal, Torture or stuff like that, So having unknown people capture him and his students without the MC being fully cautious is really weird. I also understand that there is no perfect storey/fanfiction, There will always be imperfections, In fact, This fic is incredibly better than some of the others on this site. Most of the minor ones are easy to ignore but when the MC is that uncautious considering his past is slightly annoying, Also, It is really great about how his emotions have played a part in his decision making, Something most authors fail to do.
Very very nice, Thank you. Yeah, I see your point now on his clash with the ANBU and the interrogation chapter. It truly is awkward to see him become less cautious on foreign attackers that he doesnt know or encountered yet especially if he doesnt even know what will happen to them if they get captured. I may have been lacking on giving more details and actually made my own written lore clash with each other. Thank you for notifying me of this. I will look more into this. Dont worry, this fanfiction is still an experimental release, which means that I could change or revise the previous chapters if I found some parts to be contradicting to the lore I used and the story I built. Thats why I badly needed some reviews like yours, not to get more readers but to know how to make this webnovel better. Please don't hesitate to give suggestions or alternatives if you find yourself reading more of the future chapters.
PaleKing:Yeah, I understand. I saw how there were no true reviews so I decided to do a small review about what I liked or disliked since I don't know how to write a proper review... Anyway, When I said poison I meant all of the narcotics that were used on the MC. It could just be me but considering that he has a Dragon soul, Possibly more dragon powers, Vampire powers and years of experience I expected the narcotics to take a little longer to take effect rather than nearly instantly dropping the MC. Also, You should passively mention about him losing some of the Vampire Lord benefits in his thoughts, In my point of view, it appeared as if the MC was nerfed and was suddenly weak to poisons. Next, I know that Minato can't fully control the MCs mind, or even fully control his actions but the fact that the MC took the information that Minato can take control of his actions toward possible enemies as if it is a minor inconvenience. I understand that the MC is plenty OP enough to get out of a violent situation if he needed to but all that's needed is stronger magic draining cuffs and his attacks will decrease quite a bit. The bit where I dropped it is a short bit after Inoichi left his Mind-scape, So I know a small bit about the current circumstances but in my opinion, having a senbon with poison to the neck wouldn't fully stop his control of shouts, Having him only being able to use weaker shouts would make more sense rather than fully stopping his shouts all together. Honestly, The only thing I am actually annoyed at is the fact that The Dragonborn, Someone who has been through countless dungeons, Fought dragons, has a literal dragon soul and can slightly manipulate reality with shouts was stopped by poison. I can understand other stuff like how Shinobi are more coordinated but having The Dragonborn taken down as easily as that is slightly annoying since he would have already had plenty of experience, More than most of the shinobi that captured him too. Also, The fact that the MC stopped being cautious because he could sense no killer intent towards him or his students is weird. He would be no stranger to betrayal, Torture or stuff like that, So having unknown people capture him and his students without the MC being fully cautious is really weird. I also understand that there is no perfect storey/fanfiction, There will always be imperfections, In fact, This fic is incredibly better than some of the others on this site. Most of the minor ones are easy to ignore but when the MC is that uncautious considering his past is slightly annoying, Also, It is really great about how his emotions have played a part in his decision making, Something most authors fail to do.
Yeah I have re added the fic into my library since you actually are a good author that checks the reviews, Which I am thankful for. I'm going to re-read this fic after there are either more chapters or a bit of the chapters get rewritten because it is honestly too good to pass up. When I re-read this in the future, Hopefully when it is editted/rewritten I will leave another review to tell about what has improved. Thanks for the consideration to the readers!
PoundPerSquareInch:Very very nice, Thank you. Yeah, I see your point now on his clash with the ANBU and the interrogation chapter. It truly is awkward to see him become less cautious on foreign attackers that he doesnt know or encountered yet especially if he doesnt even know what will happen to them if they get captured. I may have been lacking on giving more details and actually made my own written lore clash with each other. Thank you for notifying me of this. I will look more into this. Dont worry, this fanfiction is still an experimental release, which means that I could change or revise the previous chapters if I found some parts to be contradicting to the lore I used and the story I built. Thats why I badly needed some reviews like yours, not to get more readers but to know how to make this webnovel better. Please don't hesitate to give suggestions or alternatives if you find yourself reading more of the future chapters.
Author is it Lore Dragonborn or is it Game Dragonborn? I mean I like the concept but wanted to be sure on some stuff.
PoundPerSquareInch:Very very nice, Thank you. Yeah, I see your point now on his clash with the ANBU and the interrogation chapter. It truly is awkward to see him become less cautious on foreign attackers that he doesnt know or encountered yet especially if he doesnt even know what will happen to them if they get captured. I may have been lacking on giving more details and actually made my own written lore clash with each other. Thank you for notifying me of this. I will look more into this. Dont worry, this fanfiction is still an experimental release, which means that I could change or revise the previous chapters if I found some parts to be contradicting to the lore I used and the story I built. Thats why I badly needed some reviews like yours, not to get more readers but to know how to make this webnovel better. Please don't hesitate to give suggestions or alternatives if you find yourself reading more of the future chapters.
I apologize for the late reply. This will be following the mythical or legendary lores about dragonborns (like how the fights between the most powerful DBs in the past could split lands and mountains apart... or something like that). In other words, they will be far powerful than your most powerful game DB. However, I will not be entirely faithful to the lore as I have researched that its either Bethesda writers made some contradictions of their own on some lores and also with the still-missing pages about what is the true meaning of the "Last Dragonborn" and etc... Im still diving the subreddit of the TESlore, FB groups and forums of ES about things I need. But you are welcome to correct me if you found any inconsistencies or world breaking lores I added. I am not knowledgeable in Elder Scrolls lores myself and only used the Great ESWiki Library of Daedric Prince, Mora (while secretly sneaking in Apocrypha hehehe).
Toxi_Kitty_Shin:Author is it Lore Dragonborn or is it Game Dragonborn? I mean I like the concept but wanted to be sure on some stuff.
PoundPerSquareInch:I apologize for the late reply. This will be following the mythical or legendary lores about dragonborns (like how the fights between the most powerful DBs in the past could split lands and mountains apart... or something like that). In other words, they will be far powerful than your most powerful game DB. However, I will not be entirely faithful to the lore as I have researched that its either Bethesda writers made some contradictions of their own on some lores and also with the still-missing pages about what is the true meaning of the "Last Dragonborn" and etc... Im still diving the subreddit of the TESlore, FB groups and forums of ES about things I need. But you are welcome to correct me if you found any inconsistencies or world breaking lores I added. I am not knowledgeable in Elder Scrolls lores myself and only used the Great ESWiki Library of Daedric Prince, Mora (while secretly sneaking in Apocrypha hehehe).
PoundPerSquareInch:I apologize for the late reply. This will be following the mythical or legendary lores about dragonborns (like how the fights between the most powerful DBs in the past could split lands and mountains apart... or something like that). In other words, they will be far powerful than your most powerful game DB. However, I will not be entirely faithful to the lore as I have researched that its either Bethesda writers made some contradictions of their own on some lores and also with the still-missing pages about what is the true meaning of the "Last Dragonborn" and etc... Im still diving the subreddit of the TESlore, FB groups and forums of ES about things I need. But you are welcome to correct me if you found any inconsistencies or world breaking lores I added. I am not knowledgeable in Elder Scrolls lores myself and only used the Great ESWiki Library of Daedric Prince, Mora (while secretly sneaking in Apocrypha hehehe).