webnovel
kuhaku_sora
kuhaku_soraLv33yr
2021-06-17 15:33

Your writing style is superb among the authors here in Webnovel (or even in other platforms. The occurrences in the story are all detailed and well-written, so I expect this novel to bloom in no time! You could even join one of the contest in webnovel, mate, and win awesome goodies while you're at it! These are the few things that I'd like to point out, so feel free to disagree or agree with what I'm going to say. I noticed that you add -kun during dialogues, but it was not consistent. It would be better if all of the characters there (assuming they're all Japanese) uses proper honorics at each characters. The scenes were epic and written excellently! However, there are some few sentences here and there that you I think you missed showing than telling (for me) There is part where you mentioned "couldn't sooth Hatayo's anxiousness". It would be better if you can express it in details rather than telling he was anxious. Also, you could replace some adverbs in the story with a richer verb. One example (from your chapters) that I found was "boots clanked loudly" you could say that the boots blared a clanking sounds or along those lines. This is definitely well-written! I love the story, and I can't wait to read more about this!

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Jewels_the_weeb
Jewels_the_weebAuthor

thank you! I will definitely using your advice when revising my story! I appreciate your honest feedback!

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