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TheBlips
TheBlipsLv114yr
2021-04-26 14:10

Oh, Rachel! Rachel! Rachel! How can you write a male novel so well? You should teach me how to write ML novels! Anyways, I think the novel is funny. I like that the concept is unique. The writing is good too so, its a package! Goodluck! I hope you win SPIRITY!

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RachelRuth
RachelRuthAuthor

The sloshing liquid in the vial glows a beautiful blue—its properties unknown, only alluring and magnetic. It promised something exciting. How would it taste? What are its effects? Can you back out after taking a sip? To that I say, "Drink, Drink, Drink!" This story is a little different, a little familiar. Yes, it has its own gimmicks involving a Drinker wanting to be an Alchemist, and you already have an idea of the end... he becomes a Hero with a Bar. It's a tale as old as time. No doubt, this Author will put their own spin to it and flair, and one can only hope that you stick around for the final shot. The protagonist is already strong, but like all of us will commit errors in judgement. He's not perfect. He can be biased. He will be wrong even. There are different sides to him. He will get stronger. Quick Shots: > Writing Quality: Decent. Author runs it through Prowritingaid too. > Story Development: Slice-of-life mostly. But there is progression. We already know what happens at the end, except for the details :P > Character Design: Primary focus on the Protagonist, however there are times where other characters also shine. Multiple POV. > World Background: Shares the same world as 'Races: Online' (VR Smartphone App) so it is developed enough to enjoy with unique features inspired from The Wandering Inn and other LITRPGs. > Stability of Updates: Not insane updates. Initially slow, but it will be pretty stable unless Author takes 'writing breaks' too rest hands and wrists from strains of carpal tunnel. Won't drop though. Note: Will go 'Premium' in the future. However, I also plan to include a free story in the Auxiliary Chapters, which you can probably enjoy without it being locked in exchange for Power Stones.

Pork
PorkLv12

good story.. good writing.... i like the how the chapters switch between the present and the past to show how the mc got to where he is. but i dont like the one sidedness the author puts on the mc.. what i mean by that is the way the author blocks out certain aspects of emotional realism to drive a narrative.. only at chapter 18 btw.. i will give you an example of what i mean.. the mc told forgot his names mother that her son was dead, but not long after he came back perfectly fine and so the mc naturally feels remorse, self blame and guilt now normally this would be fine and correct. but not at all in this situation maybe a little but no where near as heavy as it is shown even with his depression, anxiety and loss over his parents infact this combination of emotions over the loss of his parents would more likely push him to the opposite extreme of complete outrage, any the situation is the mother tells the mc that soso hasn't returned from the forest, so he goes out gets attacked by momsters and eventually arrives at a goblin camp where he finds the diary of the son being played with by a goblin, and the mc being the good risk his life just incase he might still be alive and also takes away the diary, which doing so alarmed the goblins.. so as this was happening the son had actually been paralyzed by a plant which is just as dangerous, any way the mc comes out of the forest all tattered and bloody.. well unless health potions fix clothes and clean blood stains but i doubt, he makes it to the inn. ps not a single person showing any reaction or concern to the mc btw and tells the mother that her son is dead which using all the information he has collected so far is 99 percent assured and any other logical person would come to the same conclusion since the forest is filled with wolves and goblins and the son is just a villager and then the son walks in.. and every freaks out and accuses the mc ecta you get the rest, now i would get if they blamed him in the moment but after it calmed down and they noticed his clothes and exhaustion which were plainly obvious, and if he the mc bothered to give the slightest explanation as to why he said the son was dead every one would forgive him, but he didnt but that can be explained as the mcs personality.. any way the villagers treated him as an outcast after this incident, which ok i can get sorta.. but what i don't get is why the mc dosnt even have the slightest outrage, annoyance or indignation at being treated like this, it literally makes zero sense the mc knows what he had to go through just to make sure he is okay and he knows the danger he put himself in just to get the guys diary. you may have some self blame at making the mother cry but that is it. it wouldnt be to such an extreme as the author writes it as, it really feels too forced and honestly makes the mc unlikable. but really this whole incidence is pretty forced no matter how ignorant the villagers are. but any way other than that the story and writing is good it is just the author forcing the mc to feel unrealistic emotions to drive a certain narrative that i dont like . sorry if this is a very run off review was tired when writing couldn't think properly and organise my words.

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