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Review Detail of TempestasUmbra in Fortune's Chosen - The Legend of Ivo

Review detail

TempestasUmbra
TempestasUmbraLv153yrTempestasUmbra

First of all, the whole background and the world building in this story is really great. Very unique and interesting. BUT sadly the plot starts out great and then just implodes on itself. Let me explain: The author stated rellatively early on that he doesn‘t luke cliche development, forced plots and idi*tic MCs, which I greatly appreciate, because I also had enough of them... The system was also ver intriguing and original, as was the early development of the story. But all that was lost, when the author(around chapter 20) just forced the plot into a direction that makes no sense. Minimal spoilers ahead! Beware! From the appearence of a young master to the betrayal from his own tribesmen and being enslaved, all packed into one or two chapters, none of it made sense or wasn‘t cliche. During all this we don‘t see a mature ex-military man making calm and logical decisions. No, what we got was a typical dumb MC relying on his protagonist aura and plot armor to survive. One of the most infuriating parts was, that he doesn‘t acitively use his sytem to gain strenght. No, he just keeps his FP(system points) stored and than gets owned like an id*ot. He practically wasted 10yrs of his life with the ultimate cheat, namely linitless knowledge, and didn‘t gain enough strenght to be more than one of probably dozens of elite tribe warriors. So, if this isn‘t nerfing or a typical dumb MC, than I don‘t know what is... Moving on, he is enslaved and again doesn‘t even use the system to ask about the method they used to restrain him or for a way to break it, despit the massive amount of points he has available. The author made some lame excuse about not wanting to stand out in case of an interrogation, but one chapter later he used his system to learn their language. Contradiction at its finest! From there the story starts to make less and less sense to me. After being bought by some aristocartic magician and losing his restraints, his ‚owner‘ proceeds to treat him like some honorable guest and not an uncertain threat, despite having no knowledge about him or his capabilities, excluding the war between ‚barbarians‘(which the MC is part of) and the ‚southerners‘(which she is part of). All that is once again glossed over by the author, with another laughable excuse, that she wants to know if barbarians can learn their magic. This woman, who is supposedly someone from noble status and a magician to boot, shows zero common sense by teaching a foreigner about a power that gives their part of the world a military advantage, to be able to contend with the barbarians and doesn‘t even use some kind of restraining method in case he turns against her. Another absolutely baffling moment was, when he showed of his cultivation technique which was better than that of his ‚owner‘ and she didn‘t even ask him about it, demanded to teach or even tries to trade for it. Despite her possessing knowledge about how rare and valueable these techniques are. I could only question myself about who the slave and the master where in their relationship, as they didn‘t talk about it, nor did the MC ever ask her about his freedom... Again something the author didn‘t clarify and glossed over... The author also seems very defensive when asked about these obvious flaws, and didn‘t give a clear answer. I do not recommend this story to all those who have problems with plotholes and a forced development, as this story will drive you crazy.

altalt

Fortune's Chosen - The Legend of Ivo

La_Boule

Liked by 19 people

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Replies8

Deb_Nath_6301
Deb_Nath_6301Lv1Deb_Nath_6301

Agreed. Things are making hardly any sense. So many errors.. some can be dismissed cause even authors are human and can make mistakes. But the story totally took a u curve. It started so well and made me hold great expectations. It was steady for some time then it started degrading rapidly with too many plotholes..

La_Boule
La_BouleAuthorLa_Boule

I don’t know where you got the information that I am against cliches. Yes, the excuse that he did not want to stand out during interrogation is weak, maybe someday I will redo it))

Uncreate
UncreateLv3Uncreate

Honestly, this is the exact reason i also dropped this too and should have more likes. After the whole paragraph about cliches in Chapter 2, it just raised expectations too high that it just became disappointing when stuff like this happened.

TempestasUmbra
TempestasUmbraLv15TempestasUmbra

True. It isn‘t a bad story, it‘s just not like expected. It took a 180-degree turn and now I have no motivation left to read further...

Uncreate:Honestly, this is the exact reason i also dropped this too and should have more likes. After the whole paragraph about cliches in Chapter 2, it just raised expectations too high that it just became disappointing when stuff like this happened.
Demonzor
DemonzorLv14Demonzor

Yeah it was a good story at first then it went bad

TempestasUmbra
TempestasUmbraLv15TempestasUmbra

Sadly true.

Demonzor:Yeah it was a good story at first then it went bad
Starvation
StarvationLv10Starvation

Thanks for the review man !

TempestasUmbra
TempestasUmbraLv15TempestasUmbra

Exactly. After the first arc, which was mostly introduction and growing up, there was just one blow after another. It became simply unbearable. I wrote this review for this very reason, as seldom write any at all.

Deb_Nath_6301:Agreed. Things are making hardly any sense. So many errors.. some can be dismissed cause even authors are human and can make mistakes. But the story totally took a u curve. It started so well and made me hold great expectations. It was steady for some time then it started degrading rapidly with too many plotholes..