Review Detail of Yoan_Roturier in There was the sunset

Hey man, I've got a few things to say. I'll try to keep it as constructive as possible but also honest. 1° Enormous masses that are your paragraphs. I would recommend breaking them up into three or even four parts. It will boost their visibility. Actually, the first chap isn't the only one with long paragraphs, but the longest is there. Also, I didn't quite catch why you switched from present tense to go to past tense. And sometimes you just use the present tense in the same paragraph to rapidly switch to past tense. It's confusing. I advise to keep it to past or present tense at all times, unless it's very justified. 2° I think you have too much exposition at the beginning of your story. I seriously almost gave up to read the first chap. Though, I'm not everybody, so it might please some other people. But I advise to keep the exposition (explanation about the story) of your 1st chap (mainly) to the minimum. 3° I don't know why, but I want to be honest with you, so I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just want you to improve on certain stuff. 4° Your story is very interesting. I feel some Darksiders vibe out of it and I like those kinds of stories. It has a lot of potentials and your writing is good. I don't say that I'm the best author out there, I'm so far from it actually but if you just broke down your paragraphs into small ones, I assure you that your readability will benefit from it. Keep up the good work author! Peace out.