With an easy to read writing style, it definitely carries the plot forward and helps in immersion. However, I do have a few issues: 1. Grammar: To name several problems, I’ve noticed switching between present and past tense, misplaced commas resulting in run-on sentences, and missing punctuation at the end of the sentence. This could be better fixed through Grammarly or another grammar correcting app. 2. Redundancy: In chapter 4 for example, there is a run-on paragraph ( “Apparently these organizations just wreak havoc... and a lot of other things,” he explained. ), which compared to previous paragraph felt redundant. My suggestion would be to take out the whole paragraph entirely and combine it with previous one. My correction for it would go like this, starting from previous paragraph— “Several organizations have overrun the country, plundering and taking in the strong as they compete with each other. And what’s worse... is that droves of criminals have managed to escape their cells, leading to countless, horrific crimes in their wake,” he explained, his brows furrowing in anguish. 3. Synonyms: I do know you are not a native English speaker, so I strongly suggest you look through the dictionary for synonyms as I found several repetitions like ‘screamed’ when it could be ‘yelled’, ‘shouted’, ‘bellowed’, etc. This is to give more variety to your plot ! X3 Overall, the novel is good; the reason why I point this out though is because first impressions on your beginning chapters are essential for a stable fan base. If you fix the above problems I see, I think you will do quite well ! So I wish you the best, Author ! Keep up the good work !
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