Review Detail of Scinian in The Advanture of Yuji and Aoi to the throne

I know you're probably gonna hate me. But I found out that the most effective way to educate new writers is to be blunt to them. Okay here goes...it was bad. The premise is there, but it was just bad. To be fair, I'm going to post the good qualities and the bad qualities. Good Qualities: 1. The story utilizes a popular cliche of being isekai'd into a game. Added the fact that it was also a samurai-inspired game adds beauty and novelty to the story. 2. The story is straight-forward. It jumps right into the action which I like because sometimes reading about long-ass info dumps bore me to death. So far that's the only good thing I see. Now on to the stuff that needs improvement. 1. Grammar - It became increasingly evident to me that English is not your native language. Your capitalization, spelling, sentence structure reminds me of my writing when I was in first grade. I'm sorry but you have to hear the truth. Don't be discouraged though! Here's what you should do: 1. Read English Grammar books. I know it's boring but it's necessary. 2. Read well-written books. Grammar books bore me to death, I learned everything about English from well-writted novels. 3. If you have the resources you can try hiring a private tutor/an English teacher. 4. CONTINUE WRITING. Your writing is bad but so what? Writing is a skill so if you keep on writing it will eventually improve over time. 2. Pacing - Aah~ I was so confused reading this, to be honest. One second, Yuji was doing this, then suddenly Yuji was doing that. I have not even processed Yuji's character when BOOM! Aoi is suddenly here. Pacing your story is very important if you want to keep readership. How to improve pacing? Read novels (again) and observe how each authors pace their stories. 3. Dialogues - all types of dialogues should be enclosed in a dialogue tag! This is a dialogue tag: "" Dialogue tags help readers identify whether or not a character is speaking. Now why didn't I include this in [Punctuation]? This is because your dialogues are also horrible. Aoi is like: "I am an AI girl who'll help you dominate this entire world!" And Yuji is like "Yes, okay." ... What is up with that?! Real people do no talk like that! What you should do? Observe how real people talk in real life. I know, I know. 3D beings are horrible but deal with it :/ 4. Punctuation - What are punctuations? They are: [?.!,...] These punctuations help in separating and distinguishing sentences. How to improve upon them? Study grammar (ergo follow my advice on item number 1.) 5. Update time - I am a college student majoring on Literature and Creative Writing so I am more adept on traditionally published books. However, Webnovels are always my guilty pleasure so here goes: do you notice that most successful novels in this platform updates 7-16 chapter per week? I know. Crazy! That's an awful fucking lot. So you have to take what they do and increase your update time. Why? Because Webnovel algorithm doesn't notice novels with slow updates thus, less readers. If you want to increase readership then UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE! owo. ====================== That's all for today. You can take it with a grain of salt if this is just a practice novel. But if you're really looking forward to making it big then please consider my suggestions. I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOMEDAY AS A SUCCESSFUL AUTHOR! MORE POWER TO YOU! KEEP WRITING!