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Lonely_Hermit98
Lonely_Hermit98Lv144yr
2021-02-04 07:28

I enjoy the story. you're right about the lack of transformer fan fics but thats mainly due to the lack of depth. you can only go so far with some worlds unless he travels dimensions. but my only concern is he seems like a robot yes insanely stupid (ironic) high IQ but he also lived his life relatively normal so he should have a decent EQ as well but he's pretty monotone through out the story. never getting excited or anything over his creations. or his thinking. he only kicked back up after vivi decided to move in with him. maybe that would be a thing to work on. im not trying to be a critic or anything and it was a good start of the novel and I will continue reading. just thought some constructive opinion would be favorable? idk man much respect and congrats on the novel

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Replies2
DragonslayerKnight
DragonslayerKnightLv4

honestly it sucks not your writing style.... the story as a while is trash .. this is about transformers, yet i know more about"jarvis" than the actual story... there's no action. . there's no plot.... you miss tagged this, it's a slice of life/Romance.... the reason you keep having to change stories and try again is because one of the main parts of writing novels and fanfics is that your opinion matters the least what's best for the story matters most.... you seem like someone that doesn't get women, not that smart and wish for your life to get better scrap it and start over... this time write about your story and not your perverted dreams and delusions

TheGodSage
TheGodSageLv13

unfortunately... no one cares about your opinionπŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

DragonslayerKnight:honestly it sucks not your writing style.... the story as a while is trash .. this is about transformers, yet i know more about"jarvis" than the actual story... there's no action. . there's no plot.... you miss tagged this, it's a slice of life/Romance.... the reason you keep having to change stories and try again is because one of the main parts of writing novels and fanfics is that your opinion matters the least what's best for the story matters most.... you seem like someone that doesn't get women, not that smart and wish for your life to get better scrap it and start over... this time write about your story and not your perverted dreams and delusions
Other Reviews
Aeternabilis
AeternabilisLv14

I guess I should have expected it from your explanations but because of how rare stories on transformers are I gave it a go. The story seriously lacks details. There is absolutely no info on how anyone looks. Don't know how the parents look, don't know how the mc looks. Hell, he fcks his gf and we still don't know how they look... This is just the start as it's just generally all of it lacks detail (from what I read) It's way to bland as well, from the convos etc there is no emotions. No nothing. This makes it impossible to care about the story tbh. Some of the choices as well make no fcking sense to me as well. He holds hands with his girl for half a year without doing anything? You mad? Like even if they are waiting to have *** they would def still kiss, hug, cuddle etc. Then there is the problem of the whole base of the story. The author specifically said at the start that it was gonna be based in Britain so forgive him for not knowing all the specific terms and such. The mc is then given essentially the perfect start. He is born into a family where his mother works at oxford and his father owns a small company. He can be taught from young by his mother and eventually goes to oxford to take the tests and get all the degrees etc and then takes over from his father to bring the company up to be like tony starks from iron man. What happens instead? We see no teaching from the mother and then as soon as he is old enough he goes to America... Like wtf? What was the point of putting him in the fcking UK and all that sht at the start if he is gonna instantly go to America as soon as he could? Wasting the perfect start, he and the Author could use to build off of? It just purely doesn't make any fcking sense... So yeah, from this I can't rly say it will be worth to read. Gl to the author thou as there are not many stories about this.

mistOrange
mistOrangeLv1
Liboedaois
LiboedaoisLv4

Saya kira saya seharusnya mengharapkannya dari penjelasan Anda tetapi karena betapa langka cerita tentang transformer, saya mencobanya. Ceritanya sangat kurang detail. Sama sekali tidak ada info tentang bagaimana penampilan seseorang. Tidak tahu bagaimana penampilan orang tua, tidak tahu bagaimana penampilan mc. Sial, dia fcks gf-nya dan kami masih tidak tahu bagaimana mereka terlihat ... Ini hanya permulaan karena umumnya semuanya tidak memiliki detail (dari apa yang saya baca) Ini cara untuk hambar juga, dari konvoi dll tidak ada emosi. Tidak apa-apa. Ini membuat tidak mungkin untuk peduli dengan ceritanya tbh. Beberapa pilihan juga tidak masuk akal bagi saya. Dia berpegangan tangan dengan gadisnya selama setengah tahun tanpa melakukan apapun? Kamu marah? Seperti bahkan jika mereka menunggu untuk berhubungan seks, mereka pasti akan tetap mencium, memeluk, berpelukan, dll. Lalu ada masalah dari keseluruhan dasar cerita. Penulis secara khusus mengatakan di awal bahwa itu akan berbasis di Inggris jadi maafkan dia karena tidak mengetahui semua istilah spesifik dan semacamnya. MC kemudian diberikan awal yang sempurna. Ia dilahirkan dalam keluarga di mana ibunya bekerja di oxford dan ayahnya memiliki sebuah perusahaan kecil. Dia dapat diajar sejak kecil oleh ibunya dan akhirnya pergi ke Oxford untuk mengikuti tes dan mendapatkan semua gelar dll dan kemudian mengambil alih dari ayahnya untuk membawa perusahaan menjadi seperti orang-orang hebat dari manusia besi. Apa yang terjadi? Kami tidak melihat ajaran dari ibunya dan begitu dia cukup dewasa dia pergi ke Amerika ... Seperti apa? Apa gunanya menempatkan dia di Inggris Raya dan semua omong kosong itu di awal jika dia akan langsung pergi ke Amerika secepat dia bisa? Menyia-nyiakan awal yang sempurna, yang dapat dia dan Penulis gunakan untuk membangun? Itu benar-benar tidak masuk akal ... Jadi ya, dari sini saya tidak bisa mengatakan itu akan layak untuk dibaca. Senang penulisnya karena tidak banyak cerita tentang ini.

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