There are many good things about this story. First interesting hook at the beginning, then great mood exposition, with very well done background building of the story. The world feels alive, existing, and filled with history. The characters, that appear in the story, are well fleshed out. They feel unique and alive. The flow of the story is usually also well done but... And now the negatives: You tend to flood your readers with names of characters that are not important for the story at that given moment (chapter 3). There is no need to deliver the whole family tree unless you want to bore your readers. You tend to write additional information about characters that never even appeared. People won't care about them. You should build your world with action. Characters need to do things. Who cares about fifth's concubine daughter? Especially if she didn't even appear in the story? And especially there is no reason to tell us that she likes apples. Show your character, make her pick up an apple, then write, that she likes the apples. Don't take this wrongly. The parts about the protagonist and the maid are great. The other parts you focus too heavily on are bad. You need to find the balance. There is a place for new characters, even hundreds of them, but only when the cast you already put in your story, is developed enough. Every single word matters, especially at the beginning of any novel. There is no place for useless words, so you should cut out anything that is not necessary. I get that your world is very well prepared and you want to show it, but there is a place and timing for everything. Please do not feel discouraged even if I wrote few harsh words. In the end, it's only my opinion, and its purpose is to help you improve.
Liked by 1 people
LIKE
Thank you so much for your review! Your feedback is one that I truly needed even if I didn't know it before. Thinking back about what you said, I get what you mean. The are indeed too much talk and not enough action. I'll try to improve that and stop drowning the readers with information 😊
