Review Detail of SexyDonut in Darius Supreme

"Show, Don't Tell." It is the Mantra of storytelling in any media. Books, film, comics, games, theater; if it has a story, you best remember this. Only three chapters in, and there's already been plenty of Tells without any Show.  Darius is evil. Okay, but why? And how? He has genius level intellect? Okay, but why should we take your word for it? What has he done, right before us reader's eyes, that proves this? Rather than Telling us these things, Show us. Show us the things Darius has done or show it through what he is doing. The eulogy was a nice subtle touch, mentioning how 'others scorned him' for his actions, but you should have left it at that if you wanted to be subtle, rather than out right Telling us Darius is Evil. It would be better for the readers to work out that fact themselves. There's a nice metaphor for this. I forgot where I heard it, but it goes something like, 'the audience prefers 2+2 much more than 4.' Make us, the audience, add two and two together to figure out these facts about the character by leaving about nuggets here and there. For example: The eulogy briefly mentioning Darius wasn't all praise worthy, plus his kids revealing their sobbing grief at the funeral was an act is just enough to clue us in on that maybe there's something not right about this Darius fellow. You ruined this by outright telling us that Darius is Evil in the following chapters. I'm not here to tell you your writing is bad; far from it. There's a good webnovel somewhere here, but it's buried under heaps of dirt and rubble that you put there yourself. Trim down on the explanations and shows us more instead, and I believe there's a decent story to be told.