Should consider doing a rewrite of the first dozen chapters, you are spelling the words correctly but you are also forgetting to use some words at the same time. Sentences go on for a bit too long, some could use a comma and others would be better if you put a full stop there instead of a comma. I also recommend to change your format a little bit, for example you start sentences with : 'He answered "Yes."' instead of '"Yes." He answered'. The character himself is a bit too energetic for realism, but this story isn't really written as a what if situation and more of a this is what I think I would do in a situation. The story itself is more original than most of the stories on this forsaken website, but the over al quality doesn't make it stick out enough. A rewrite is easy enough but because I guess English is your second+ language I can understand it being difficult. The only problem I actually do have with this story is that I see really old comments and reviews about the grammar and it not being correct in the chapters. Doesn't give a good impression, but alas, you write for fun and practice...
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