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David_Neilsen
David_NeilsenLv14yr
2021-03-16 01:38

Have to love a good hard-boiled story with paranormal thrown in for good measure. The characters could stand to be a bit more defined, however. Right now, they are very one-dimensional. You're hitting all the right bits, however, so you're on the right track. You also have some grammar issues that should be easy to fix if you jujst take your time. Read it aloud to yourself when noone else is in the room. You'll hear all sorts of mistakes that you won't catch just reading silently.

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TaintedMetal
TaintedMetalAuthor

Hello and thank you very much for your input. This is my first ever stand alone story in a while, as my previous works have been anthologies. However, I am currently trying my best to make my characters more defined, give more depth to them while also balancing the pacing of the story. Again, your commentary is much appreciated.

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